Friday, February 25, 2011

2 Days on the Road

Two days on the road has landed us in Kansas City.  But I'm about to get ahead of myself. 

We had a couple of guys from church come to help us load the truck.  I found out that I was not nearly so ready to go as I had thought.  Go figure.  We left a ton of shit behind.  By the time the truck and additional trailer were full as well as the minivan packed to the gills I figured if we still didn't have room for it I didn't reallly need it. 

We had clothes, bedding, flat screen tv, computers and my vibrator (which I nearly forgot because it was stashed under the bed when the church guys showed up and started dismanting everything.  I ended up tossing it in one of the tables we ended up leaving.  I remembered though.  It's important to have priorities). There really isn't anything else is there? 

So lots of things have happened and I've classified them into weird, wonderful and completely craptastic.

Things have I have seen that have struck me as weird.  The Frozen Head State Park in Tennessee.  I'm sure that it's a lovely place and there is likely a cool story attached to why it was so named, but really? Frozen Head?  I also saw the water tower for 'Metropolis - home of Superman' No lie.  When you are drving its hard to catch a picture but it really is worth a thousand words.

If you look closely they painted his picture and listed him as the claim to fame
I also saw a sign for Bat Cave in NC but the 8 year old assured me that it was not full of computers, the Batmobile and clearly it wasn't a secret location.  Talk about disillusionment.  Then on our way through Missouri, we went past the town of Knob Noster.  Maybe I just have a dirty mind but Darling Husband says he loves the way I noster his knob.  *grin*

Some of the wonderful things involved how much love we got from our church and friends who helped us on our way, the interation of all three of my kids while on the road and the fact that our tax return was direct deposited today. 

Now, down to the parts that were less than stellar. 

We didn't get to depart for our first destination of Nashville until 2pm when we intended to leave before 10am.  Just too much shit, like I said.  So we were after midnight central time getting there.  On the way there my cell phone took a swim in a puddle rendering it defunct.  You see, when the walkie-talkies died we went to cell phones and we were outside of Nashville in the mountains.  In order to make sure I didn't miss a call I had it in my cleavage which 'aint what it used to be since the breast reduction.  We stopped for gas and so the dog could do her thing and it fell into a puddle.  Simple as that.  Serves me right for all those iphone chats that I made fun of when they said they dropped it in the toilet.  Then, while on the mountain, we experienced a micro-burst of rain while right there that drove me to the edge of the road.

Today was mostly really amazing until the end.  I swear we were less than two miles from the hotel (would have been a record arrival at 10:15pm, except that due to traffic I couldn't make the proper exit and Darling Husband had both the paper directions and the tom-tom and was quickly moving out of range of the radios.  He did come back and find us and get us all safely here to the hotel but man that was scary for me.  He's so faithful.  He told me and J that he would always come find us wherever we are. 

That's the journey so far.  More to come I'm sure.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Not My Job

Thank you again for all your well wishes!!!  

I'm feeling much better, in fact pretty much back to normal.  Darling Husband isn't so fortunate.  It's his turn now.  He's such a trooper though.  He complains about it way less than I did.  So, in order to catch up from being paused, we're in fast forward.  A nice steady play would work for me.  

I have had so many plates spinning this week that I don't know which end is up.  For those who are unfamiliar with the plate spinning term I offer the following for your entertainment. 

Good stuff, huh?  With that said, this is probably going to be a semi-ranty post about having too much going on.  You've been warned.  

I've mentioned before that I work from home and run my very own company.  That's right, I'm the CEO of a fully functional S Corporation.  It sounds way more impressive than it is in reality.  And I don't usually get into too much detail about my clients and such because of a super secret contract that I had to sign to work with them. However, while I will be changing the names to protect the innocent (and the guilty) I'm going to give you a bit of insight into what I do and why sometimes it stresses me so.  

Mostly I love my job.  Seriously.  I have the best. Job. Ever.  I manage (not really a word I'm supposed to use, we say 'support') a group of online chatters. "What does that mean?" you ask.  Well you know how you can go to certain online websites and get a live chat agent to help you with your shopping or product questions?  That's us.  Well them.  

The beauty of being your own boss is that you don't have to deal with all the corporate bullshit, in a perfect world. No one directs you How or When to do your job as long as it gets done, in a perfect world.  However this  week has been far from perfect.  You see, the client company goes crazy every February.  They start digging into metrics, like really digging, like with a backhoe.  My theory on this is that its because sales are slow.  They also dramastically (thank you Raising Hope for one of my favorite new words) cut the hours they pay for.  No prob.  I needed the extra time to pack anyway.  

This past week however, they dictated that of my whopping 22 hours I'm getting paid for, I had to spend 18 of it doing a rather non-productive online exercise with the chatters.  It's called Live Monitoring and you essentially sit there and read their chats while they are going on.  That left 4 hours for everything else that I do for my team.  Reporting their numbers, reviewing customer satisfaction surveys and scores, fielding questions and calls from my peeps (that's what I call my chatters), the various other need it now stuff that the client and those I report to directly throw out there, and the 5 hours of telephone meetings.  Is it me or is this no longer adding up?  

On top of packing, keeping up with my suddenly way over-scheduled daughter's social calendar, my crazy and guilt mongering mother (that's a whole 'nother thing that I won't be getting into here - you can thank me later), I'm working for free because I can't just let the stuff go undone.  At least when I'm getting paid, I can justify the not packing and not dealing with the other crap because 'hey, I'm getting paid', right?  Wrong.  

I'm declaring my independence.  It's not my job, to deal with my mother's craziness so I cut her off from all of us until after we move.  It's not my job to work for free when I have other stuff that I clearly should be doing, so I have taken a leave until I get my office re-setup in Idaho.  It sort of is my job to keep up with J's social calendar but most of her friends have made it pretty easy for me.  Coming and picking up and dropping back off with only a couple of exceptions.  Sometimes even just removing a couple of things can make all the difference and give you back the illusion of some semblance of control, I've not got so many plates spinning and I am much more centered and at peace.  

At least as much as that is possible when my house looks like the morning after a frat party sans beer cans and bongs.  

Monday, February 14, 2011


Packing is on pause currently.  In fact so is much of everything else aside from my daughter's social life.  Apparently the phenomenon that I spoke of in regard to people suddenly wanting to get together and do stuff with you before you go, extends all the way to elementary school.  

I haz a cold and it is a nasty one.  It has stopped me pretty much dead in my tracks for 3 days now.  My eyes look like they are about to bleed, I have to sleep with my head on a hand towel because of my nose and its ridiculous nocturnal emissions, which is actually sort of impressive because it is completely stuffed up so I have no control of it.  And nothing is working.  Well there's this one thing....

Fun Fact!  Did you know that if you leave turkeys outside in the rain a bunch of them will die because they drown?  That's right, the rain starts and they look up to see where it's coming from and they drown. Okay, that's not really true, Snopes says so.  But its what my grandfather always told me and he was easily the wisest man I knew at the time.  

Anyway, irrigating my sinuses helps, for a while.  You may ask yourself as did desperate does someone have to be for relief if they are willing to do this?  The answer, pretty damn desperate if you are me.  I have friends who swear by neti pots but that was always something that I wasn't too keen on.  

However, the other day, I was in the shower all stuffed up, hoping the steam would loosen some of it up and got this great idea.  I'll irrigate my sinuses right here!!  So I turn my head up toward the shower head (much like the proverbial turkey in the rain)  and deliberately let water go up my nose.  I know, I know....the first couple of times it felt sort of like I was drowning.  There was much sputtering and coughing to the point that a very worried Darling Husband came in and said "what's going on?  are you trying to drown yourself?"  

After I got out of the shower and dressed we had to have a long talk about why I was doing it and that I wasn't trying to do myself in to avoid the move.  The good news is that it works!!  For a while anyway.  Since I can't take numerous showers a day (well I could but that's just getting obsessive) I think I may have to invest in a neti pot so I can kick this cold in the ass and get my life off of pause and back on course.  

Oh, and happy Valentine's day everyone!!!  I hope everyone is feeling the love today!  

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'll Have a Cup of Crazy with a Side of Guilt Please

Yay!!!   So I get to sponsor the JADIP Blog this week.  I've so been waiting my turn and it's here!!!!  It's really here!!!  Not sure what I'm supposed to do but I will say you need to go check out Bruce Johnson at his JADIP blog.  Totally worth the read!!!  You'll love it and him as I do.  Immediately and irrevocably.  Go now.  We'll wait.  

Oh, you're back?  I'm so glad you found your way.  You must have left yourself a trail of breadcrumbs.  I knew it would take a while because he has more than one and they are all so good.

Cup of Crazy and a side of guilt
Packing dishes, glasses and china is an obnoxious task.  I spent most of the weekend working on the kitchen and the china cabinet.  China cabinet is now empty except for the glass shelves and the dish cabinets are 75% empty.  I've left out enough to us to use for eating until we leave, but haven't ruled out paper items just to be done with it.  The problem with disposable dishes and plasticware is that they are disposable which makes more trash and at the rate I'm purging items I don't have room in my garbage can. That really has little to do with this post, crazy or guilt.

Most of our friends are very excited for us and some even admit to being jealous that they can't just make a decision to change their lives drastically and do it.  Mother, on the other hand is having a really hard time of it.  Apparently our relationship for the time being has devolved to text messages because she can't talk to me right now.  I'm not completely sure that I get that because she took it so well when I broke the news to her.  It's all about positioning y'all.  "Mom, I have some great news and I hope you'll be as excited as we are".  It worked....until she had time to think about it.  

So she texted me on Satuday afternoon and our conversation went something like this...

Mom: I would like to spend some time with J & E, preferably separately.  
Me: I agree, that is a good idea. 
Mom: I know she needs to spend time with L (her BFF since, oh...birth) but I DEMAND to have my time with her to. 
Me: No need to demand anything.  How is tomorrow for you?  
Mom: That sounds good, I'll come get her after church. 
Me: Great.  Sounds like a plan then.
Mom: Don't talk about Idaho or packing or moving when I come to get her because if I start wailing like I have been all week it will scare everyone including your crazy dog.  
Me: Sure thing Mom.  Whatever you say. 

Sunday arrives, I make sure that J looks presentable and meet Mother outside so as to spare her seeing us in the throes of packing.  Believe it or not I do try to be sensitive on occasion.  So we stand there and we're talking about the hawk that has made a home in our tree and her noisy little hawklets (is that what they are called do you think?) and she brings up the very thing she asked me not to bring up.  Idaho.  Is this woman a glutton for punishment or what?   

I reach to give her a hug and she shrugs me off and ushers J to the car but not before saying something martyr'ish like "I know that nothing I say is going to make a difference so we just have to make the best of the time we have left."  Don't we usually say that when someone is dying?  Hmmmmm....

I spend the rest of the afternoon drinking vodka to quell my anxiety and was moderately successful in that endeavor, got quite a bit of packing done and watched Dispicable Me (again) with the boys.  After J gets home Mother texts me again and it goes like this....

Mom: Wow, J is handling this way better than I have been. *did she think we would be dragging her kicking and screaming to Idaho?* 
Me:  Of course, she's very adaptable and well grounded.
Mom: I really thought she would be as torn up about this as I am.  I guess I can get over it now. 
*How do you respond to that? I've tried I'm sorry and her response is that if I were sorry I wouldn't be doing this*  
Mom: Love you. I wish that it did not hurt me so that you are going.  I've never felt this much pain in my life.  
Me: Love you too Mom.  *What?  It was all I could think of*

So we have crazy with a heaping side of guilt.  I am still excited and all in for the move but she's stressing me.  I don't desire to hurt anyone.  Ever.  Even, especially her.  I really wanted this to be a witty and funny post about my mom and her particular brand of crazy and guilt mongering (sort of like fear mongering).  Instead I present to you that she got her feelings hurt this weekend and not by me. 

J is a very authentic girl and she's only 10 1/2.  She is amazing and wonderful and doesn't pretend anything.  She was honest with her Mimi and told her 'sure, I'm going to miss you and my friends, but I belong with my Mom and Dad and brothers.  I'll make new friends too.' Apparently Mother thought they were closer than all that.  She didn't shed any tears, even when her Mimi cried (several times over the course of the afternoon) and even tried to comfort her when she did.  

So, tell me....why do I feel like shit?

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Things I'm learning and Let's Play a Game!

Things that I’m learning and lets play a game!
The The Mad Housewife tagged me in a post and it’s a question game and then at the end I get to tag some of you and choose what your next post topic will be about.  So can’t wait!!!  No, really, it will be fun, I promise! 
But, before we get to that, I really must share some things that I’m learning about people and human nature due to our impending relocation.  
  1. Those who have the hardest time letting you go, are often the same ones who feel like they weren’t attentive enough when you were around.  This is similar (or identical) to a phenomenon you see sometimes at funerals.  Those who mourn the loudest and weep and wail the hardest are those who let that person move on to the next life while they still had regrets about something in their relationship with the deceased. 

  1. Many people who don’t normally socialize with you, suddenly feel like they need to get together with you before you leave.  Because you have so much time for that between working and packing and blogging.  It would be rude to point that out however so you try to find time to have them over.  *sigh*

  1. We’re less than 3 weeks away from pulling up stakes at our current location so we’re to the point that anything that we don’t touch every day or use every day is either getting thrown away, donated, or packed.  We’re going to exist on a single glass for every person in the family a single plate for everyone, etc until we reach our new destination.  I think that will get me out of entertaining for the duration.  Perhaps we can get some invitations from those people (see #2 above).  

  1. A lot more people are happy and excited for us than not and some have even offered to help us pack and load the truck when the time comes.  Not sure if it is because they are truly excited for our new beginning or just happy to see the back side of us, but I’ll take volunteer help any time I can get it.  
I believe that is all my revelations for now so we’ll get on to the game.  Because it is a question game I’m not sure if there is really much left that I can tell you about me that you don’t already know, so I may skip some of the questions.  
  1. If you have pets, do you see them merely as animals or are they members of your family?
We have a cat (Ego) and a dog (Sheelah) and they are definitely members of the family.  Our fur kids.  
  1. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be? Only one dream?  I have many dreams (most of them are pretty simple and attainable) and I am learning that I have the power to make my dreams come true through visualization and positive thinking.  
  1. What is the one thing most hated by you?  Wow....I think my most hated thing is when people manipulate others.  Any type of manipulation that comes to mind, that’s what I’m talking about.  It is rude and wrong.  
  1. What would you do with a billion dollars?  My answer is probably not all that unusual.  Pay off my debt, minimum of 10% the charity, buy really nice houses in all my favorite places and pay staff to keep them up while I’m away.  I love the idea of getting up in the morning and deciding that I want to have lunch or dinner in Europe and hopping on my private jet to do so.  
  1. What helps pull you out of a bad mood?  Darling Husband, sex and vodka.  In that order.
  1. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?  I have to say that it is best when it is reciprocal. 
  1. What is your bedtime routine?  I’m skipping this one just cause it’s my blog and I can.  *how’s that for being contrary?* 
  1. If you are currently in a relationship how did you meet your significant other?  I covered this in a whole blog post of its own.  If you aren’t familiar with the story and care to know you can click here
  1. If you could watch a creative person in the creative process, who would it be?  At first I was thinking, wow that’s a hard one but really it isn’t.  I think that I would most like to watch a really great chef in the creative process.  I always have liked to watch mom cook, even though we are dysfunctional so we’ll take it up several levels and say Gordon Ramsay.  
10. What kind of books do you read?  I don’t have much chance to read very often any more.  Certainly not as much as I’d like.  The last books that I really enjoyed were the Twilight Saga books.  
  1. What is your biggest fear?  I don’t have fears really, as in things I’m genuinely afraid of, just a laundry list of things that I’d prefer to not ever have happen in my life.  I don’t focus on those because I don’t want have any aid in their manifestation.
There are like 20 questions, and I’m done.  Actually, out of time is more like it because I’ve got to get back to packing.  
Let’s see, I think I’ll tag Mrs Hyde at A Bitch Called Mom and have her blog post be “It makes me all warm and fuzzy when....”
Also Steph over at It's never too late to save a hopeless case and her blog post will be “Remember that time when we were kidnapped by Gypsies?”
Mynx at Dribble and her blog title will be “Once upon a time in the fractured future”. 
My last one will be Bruce at Bruce Johnson JADIP and his blog post will be just like that B-52s song “There's a Monster in my pants" that's a link to the You Tube of the video if you need inspiration.  heeheehee

Oh and yes, I'm aware that the formatting is all over the place because sometimes my computer just doesn't like when I copy in my posts from Pages.