Yay!!! So I get to sponsor the JADIP Blog this week. I've so been waiting my turn and it's here!!!! It's really here!!! Not sure what I'm supposed to do but I will say you need to go check out Bruce Johnson at his JADIP blog. Totally worth the read!!! You'll love it and him as I do. Immediately and irrevocably. Go now. We'll wait.
Oh, you're back? I'm so glad you found your way. You must have left yourself a trail of breadcrumbs. I knew it would take a while because he has more than one and they are all so good.
|Cup of Crazy and a side of guilt|
Packing dishes, glasses and china is an obnoxious task. I spent most of the weekend working on the kitchen and the china cabinet. China cabinet is now empty except for the glass shelves and the dish cabinets are 75% empty. I've left out enough to us to use for eating until we leave, but haven't ruled out paper items just to be done with it. The problem with disposable dishes and plasticware is that they are disposable which makes more trash and at the rate I'm purging items I don't have room in my garbage can. That really has little to do with this post, crazy or guilt.
Most of our friends are very excited for us and some even admit to being jealous that they can't just make a decision to change their lives drastically and do it. Mother, on the other hand is having a really hard time of it. Apparently our relationship for the time being has devolved to text messages because she can't talk to me right now. I'm not completely sure that I get that because she took it so well when I broke the news to her. It's all about positioning y'all. "Mom, I have some great news and I hope you'll be as excited as we are". It worked....until she had time to think about it.
So she texted me on Satuday afternoon and our conversation went something like this...
Mom: I would like to spend some time with J & E, preferably separately.
Me: I agree, that is a good idea.
Mom: I know she needs to spend time with L (her BFF since, oh...birth) but I DEMAND to have my time with her to.
Me: No need to demand anything. How is tomorrow for you?
Mom: That sounds good, I'll come get her after church.
Me: Great. Sounds like a plan then.
Mom: Don't talk about Idaho or packing or moving when I come to get her because if I start wailing like I have been all week it will scare everyone including your crazy dog.
Me: Sure thing Mom. Whatever you say.
Sunday arrives, I make sure that J looks presentable and meet Mother outside so as to spare her seeing us in the throes of packing. Believe it or not I do try to be sensitive on occasion. So we stand there and we're talking about the hawk that has made a home in our tree and her noisy little hawklets (is that what they are called do you think?) and she brings up the very thing she asked me not to bring up. Idaho. Is this woman a glutton for punishment or what?
I reach to give her a hug and she shrugs me off and ushers J to the car but not before saying something martyr'ish like "I know that nothing I say is going to make a difference so we just have to make the best of the time we have left." Don't we usually say that when someone is dying? Hmmmmm....
I spend the rest of the afternoon drinking vodka to quell my anxiety and was moderately successful in that endeavor, got quite a bit of packing done and watched Dispicable Me (again) with the boys. After J gets home Mother texts me again and it goes like this....
Mom: Wow, J is handling this way better than I have been. *did she think we would be dragging her kicking and screaming to Idaho?*
Me: Of course, she's very adaptable and well grounded.
Mom: I really thought she would be as torn up about this as I am. I guess I can get over it now.
*How do you respond to that? I've tried I'm sorry and her response is that if I were sorry I wouldn't be doing this*
Mom: Love you. I wish that it did not hurt me so that you are going. I've never felt this much pain in my life.
Me: Love you too Mom. *What? It was all I could think of*
So we have crazy with a heaping side of guilt. I am still excited and all in for the move but she's stressing me. I don't desire to hurt anyone. Ever. Even, especially her. I really wanted this to be a witty and funny post about my mom and her particular brand of crazy and guilt mongering (sort of like fear mongering). Instead I present to you that she got her feelings hurt this weekend and not by me.
J is a very authentic girl and she's only 10 1/2. She is amazing and wonderful and doesn't pretend anything. She was honest with her Mimi and told her 'sure, I'm going to miss you and my friends, but I belong with my Mom and Dad and brothers. I'll make new friends too.' Apparently Mother thought they were closer than all that. She didn't shed any tears, even when her Mimi cried (several times over the course of the afternoon) and even tried to comfort her when she did.
So, tell me....why do I feel like shit?