Sunday, October 10, 2010

Bad to the Bone or How I Met Darling Husband and other tales

Yep, I figure break is over.  I feel another one coming on though so I need to strike while the iron is hot.  Before I get started, I need to put one very important thing on the record.  Darling Husband has done more for me and pushed me harder and farther as a person toward achieving my greatest potential and is still pushing today.  This is brought on by the leather chaps and jacket that I’m pulling out of the closet and dusting them off.  

The year was 1992, the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.  I had been in a funk for a couple of weeks coming off of a bad break up.  Actually the break up wasn’t all that bad and the relationship wasn’t that long, but when you are 21 years old three months is a long time and in 1992 no one was throwing around terms like ‘emotionally unavailable’  so I had no idea.  Even though said ex-boyfriend was.  
I was living with Mother as a rent payer.  She also had two other boarders to help her cover the mortgage.  Anyway, she was concerned about me moping around whenever I wasn’t at work so she suggested that when I got off work that Wednesady evening that we would go to the male strip club that had just opened not far from the house.  I’d never been to a male strip club and being as I was of age, I thought, why not.  It will be a good distraction.  
After being carded, we entered the place.  It was dimly lit with neon and blacklights a plenty.  Mother and I and our other roommate took seats at the stage and waited for the show to begin.  We ordered drinks.  Mom and roommate ordered beer, I ordered a Zima because I was one of the douches who actually drank that silly shit.  
Darling Husband who wasn’t Darling anything at that time was 3rd on stage.  He was truly beautiful to behold.  He was slim but muscular with beautiful curly black hair and olive skin complexion.  All of which belied his Italian descent.  We have to be very clear that he was not to be confused with the Guidos currently enjoying spotlight on reality tv shows now.  He was just like a moving artwork.  He was wearing a thong, studded and airbrushed leather chaps and jacket and dancing to George Thorogood’s Bad to the Bone.  I think I quit breathing for a while.  

When I did start breathing again, I stood up to give him a tip and asked him what I thought was the wittiest thing ever “ bad are you really?”  He favored me with the most evil little grin and replied “I can be as bad as you want me to be”.  I sat down heavily and looked at Mother, thinking that I was joking, and told her ‘that is the man I’m going to marry’.  
We flirted the rest of the evening and when he tried to give me his number I refused it.  I told him that I didn’t want to be one of the many calling him that if he was interested he could call me.  Which he did.  The next day. 
 We set up a date for Friday which I almost cancelled.  I was terrified.  I couldn’t believe that I was actually going on a date with this well-spoken Adonis.  In fact, I tried to cancel.  He just said that was too bad and he would have to smoke the joint he just rolled by himself. that was a dilemma.  Pot and handsome date or no pot and stay at home where it was safe.  I choose the less safe route and it has made all the difference. 

He took me to an adult bookstore which for most of us is losely translated to a porn shop!  I had never been in such an establishment in my life.  I walked the aisles with my hands clasped firmly in front of me, clearly uncomfortable.  He was obviously enjoying this, inviting me to stop and look at anything that I found interesting, but my eyes remained firmly fixed ahead.  I think I even heard him chuckle behind me at my innocence.    
Anyway, he’s outgrown those chaps.  All part of my evil plan to make him mine. *grin* I feed him entirely too well so that dancer body has changed but I still love it and him more than I even have words.  But they are a nice memory.  I think I’ll hang them back up and put them away.  


  1. <~~~~~ drank zima and actually enjoyed it. this was back between 1993 and 1996, when i was 13-16 and didn't know any better than to drink zima out of 22 ounce bottles or absolut straight out of the freezer. awesome husband and i were reading the wikipedia article on zima last week for some reason. kind of interesting. at least it was better than smirnoff ice.

  2. you always pick pot and handsome date. always