Just Breathe

So you know that feeling?  When you have been underwater and you break the surface and expel a gust of air from the huge breath you've been holding and immediately suck in another huge lungful to relieve the uncomfortable pressure in your chest and fuel your brain cells with oxygen?  Sometimes the sensation leaves me dizzy and slightly disoriented.

At the end of April of this year I had that experience.  Metaphorically.  I had spend nearly a year 'under water' and once I started breathing normally again after I resurfaced I was disoriented and confused as to where the year could have gone.  Looking back on a lot of it has the slightly fuzzy quality and bright edges of a fever dream.  Some of the details have been lost in a haze of vodka shots and bong hits, but most remains painfully sharp in my mind's eye.

In the year that I was here but not, a kind of passive absence is how I think of it, I let everything that was previously important fall by the wayside.  I wasn't interested in working, my children were nearly neglected (not to the point that social services should have been involved - I made sure they were fed and had at least a vague awareness of where they were - but enough that they became scarily self sufficient), and I didn't take care of the necessary things that needed to happen just to keep the household running.  Sounds like depression, right?  Not exactly.  Sort of the opposite.  Infatuation.  

You see, in April of last year, I met someone. He has a name but since we are being all anonymous, we'll give him a nickname.  I've considered, asshole, dickhead, and douchebag.  Fucktard, cocksucker, motherfucker and sonofabitch.  But I am going to go with Twat Waffle or TW for short going forward.

Now, those of you who have been keeping up, yes, I'm married.  Answer to the next logical question: No I wasn't cheating.  You see my Darling Husband is secure enough in himself and our love that he just wanted me to be happy.  And in fairness, he seemed to fit well into our family.  He was handsome, frighteningly charming and played the role so well.  He helped us move, came to stay after my husband had elbow surgery to help around the house, we even gave him his own bedroom for when he came to stay.  And when he stayed he would get up and make pancakes for the kids before they left for school, take care of the yard and all the while was working some sort of magic on me because he made it seem like we were somehow 'connected'.  He got my corny jokes that normally only Darling Husband got, he made obscure references and when he went to explain them was pleasantly surprised that I already understood.

 He was also really young and really good in bed.  I know the young thing doesn't exactly go hand in hand with good in bed, but they go together in my mind because I felt like such a cougar.  And he was as attracted to me as I was to him regardless and maybe because of my age.  I didn't exactly seduce this innocent young man.  There was nothing innocent about him.  And I think that's part of what made it possible to fall under his influence so easily.  He seemed a lot closer to my age.   Once I found out his birth year I forbade him from speaking it out loud because it was my sophomore year in high school.  Go ahead, laugh, I do.

Clearly it hasn't lasted, he went his own way after a year and there are some amazingly good reasons that he is gone and I say good riddance. Honestly, when I think of all the tears he wrung out of me in the space of 12 months.  I have married to Darling Husband for almost 17 years now and I cried so much more in the year he was in our life than I have in that whole 17 years.  It was almost like he fed on my tears but I'm getting ahead of myself.  It wasn't all bad, obviously since we kept him around for a year.  As I review the memories that we created, I'll try to draw as fair and complete a picture as I can but it will be colored naturally by my perspective.  And that's the beauty of perspective, its one of the few things that belongs exclusively to ones ownself.

Be well, y'all.

Swinging

Not like this

Or Like This....

Like this.....

Those of you who have been following for a while know that whenI was a little girl, my parents were swingers.  As a child and even for most of my life I was horrified by the thought.  That was due to how my mother handled her extra-cirriculars with respect to me, her child.  Suffice to say she wasn't exactly conscientious of my and any emotional scarring that may occur based on her lack of discretion.  Point is, I never thought that I would go that route.  Not that I have ever been a prude, far from it, but I always was happy with the sex that I got from Darling Husband and since nothing was lacking for me, it never occurred to me to look for any variety.  

Then I started my adult website as I also mentioned in a previous blog post Identity Crisis or Entrepreneur.  At first it was great. It was me, it was Darling Husband, it was perfect.  But then it occurred to us that since we were putting it out there for public consumption that some variety would be a good idea.  And we started reaching out via the social network that we joined to find more 'like minded and non-churchy' folk.  Before we new it our social website email was exploding with people wanting to meet us and have drinks or dinner or more.  I was a little overwhelmed, but Darling Husband has been around the block a few times he kept everything in perspective and all the decisions were up to me.  Who we met, where we went, what we did.  I was waaaay out of my comfort zone but that helped.  

We met some really great couples over the internet and got invited to a 'Meet and Greet' party locally.  We decided that was the way to truly get our feet wet and meet some people face to face.  So I got all tarted up in a cute outfit and even took a 5th of Goldschlager because shots are social right?  You generally don't do shots alone soooo.... Yeah, shots are social, but I forgot my basic shot math.  Goes like this.  If you do one shot with one person and then turn around and do one with someone else, they have each had one shot and you've had two.  Do we all see where this is going?  I think we do.  I was a girl behaving badly before the night was out.  Not really as badly as all that, considering the type of event we were attending, but badly for me.  I managed to not throw up in the van on the way home which I considered a sort of minor victory but I spent the next day paying dearly for my bad behavior.  It hasn't been repeated since.  Let's not assume that I can't learn a lesson.  Especially a painful one like that. 

Anyway, jumping ahead, we did end up having some couples over and 'playing' (that seems to be the favored term by those in the lifestyle - they don't really call it swinging any more either).  It was fine.  I had a nice time.  I know it's supposed to be all amazing and earth shattering but it really wasn't.  And there were many times when it seemed to me that the other females were getting it better than I was because their men just didn't do it for me.  Can we say that I was spoiled, just a bit?  I'm thinking so.  

Major lesson learned from this experience? Not at that point and to tell you now would be to give everything away.  Think of it like a chapter story.   I'm still getting set up for the good stuff.  Hope you all enjoy. 

Woot! It's International Female Orgasm Day!!

Yes, I know, I promised lurid details about my last two years, but I've been having a bit of a block trying to decide where to start.  Would it be better chronologically or just jump right into it and hop back and forth between bits?  Anyway, while I'm wrangling with that, I found out that today is International Women's Orgasm Day.   No shit.  Check it here International Female Orgasm Day. 

There are some in the world who honestly believe that the f emale orgasm is a myth.  I feel very bad for them because they are likely not getting much nookie.  Probably not more than once or twice from the same female anyway.  I mean, really if you don't believe in something then you aren't going to do your part to help achieve it.  I'm good at a lot of things, including getting myself off, but when a partner is involved, I sort of expect that they will participate.

The other part of the population I give props to.  Those who not only believe in it but work very hard to achieve it.  Did you know there are even moblie apps about how to help a woman get to her orgasm.  Android app 500 orgasm tips but Android isn't alone in this market, there are many apps available through iTunes for the iPad and iPhone about the female orgasm and how to achieve it One of the apps for iPhone and iPad.  I was surprised to find these but I don't know why.  There ARE apps for just about everything.  I guess my point is, if you don't know how to give a girl an orgasm, and yes I know she has to do her part too, then get an app, read a book, something!!  I promise, you will get more nookie and maybe even find a soul mate. 

That's how I ended up with Darling Husband.  He was good at what he did.  He and I had a very tumultuous dating life but I couldn't walk away.  Initially because I wanted to feel the way he made me feel.  Again, and again, and again.  Just saying......*blush* 

And if you don't have a partner to celebrate with, then by all means take care of yourself.  I do.  Regularly.  Vibrators, rabbits, dildos and whatever else rings your bell, do it!  We women are entitled to really good orgasms.  Men have been having them every time they have sex for, well, forever! So today of all days today was set apart for the female orgasm it seems wrong not to have at least one today.  Right? 

She's Alive! She's Alive!

Hi guys! 

In the event that I still have any followers left at all, I am going to resurrect my blog.  We all have lives and they are ongoing so even if I don't have followers it's been an interesting 2 years.  Gods, has it really been that long?  Almost.  Is there some sort of award for the longest dead blog coming back to life?  If not there should be. 

By way of explanation of my absence, It seemed to me that I was running out of interesting things to talk about.  And I'm not going to trot something out here that I know is lame just for the sake of having something out here.  And then, my life got a lot more interesting in April of last year.  More on that to come.  Suffice to say that just because you get older, you aren't magically immune from making ridiculous choices in your life.

Not all of it is pretty, and many of you may be put off by it, but I'm going to put it out here starting very soon - once I figure out where to start exactly.  I'm going to trot my bad decisions and their repercussions out there for your amusement or horror.  Whichever applies. 

I only ask that if you see something that deeply offends you, just don't follow my blog anymore.  I don't need any negative commentary on my life or how I have lived it in the past little while.  Trust me, I'm getting plenty of recrimination from myself.  I don't need any help with self-loathing, I've got that down.

On a happier note, I'm back!!!  And I'm looking forward to catching up on all my favorite blogs and finding some new ones too. 

Kisses to all!
Semi True Torystellar