So a couple of days ago I was bemoaning being bored and asked someone to send me a guest post. Well, someone did. They emailed me and sent me the following guest post asking to remain anonymous. So I thought maybe we could make a game of it. I"ll post and you guys can see if you recognize the writer and writing style. You can make guesses and the winner will receive some random knick knack of mine. Do I have any idea what yet? Nope, but I'll figure something appropriate out. Sounds like fun right? I'll run it through Friday 8/12 and if needed maybe give clues along the way if you guys are getting colder rather than warmer in your guesses. I'll do so by updating this blog post, not necessarily in comments. My comment responses will be just that. My replies.
Okay, ready, set....Go!
The night was full of promise. My parents were out of town visiting relatives. The house was all mine. (Insert cheesy porn music)
First things first, call the girlfriend, have her pick up a box of wine, a Tombstone pizza, thick crust supreme and a family pack, dig? While she was doing that, I would run to the Amish liquor store down the street and pick up a handle of "The Captain" and a keg, call my boys and their lady friends, invite them up for drinks and a dip in the pool, nippy skin style. Be here round' 1900. That will give me some time to "do my thing" with my lady friend, youknowwhatimsayin'?
Fast forward to 1848. Lady friend and I start getting jiggy. Plenty of time for roll and a cuddle. Naked, sweaty bodies doin' it like they do on the discovery channel. (the doorbell rings) W.T.F? I said 1900, not 1853. Who...In...The...Hell...is interfering with my stiz, yo? I pondered letting whoever it was, sit outside for the remaining seven minutes. They were early and things were getting heated. (the doorbell rings again) Damn, get a clue. GO AWAY ! (the doorknob is jostled) Alright already. I'm coming, literally. Jump out of the sack, throw on the red underwear that were ripped off earlier, adorn the closest Tee and Speedo that I could find and trek upstai........man, my underwear are riding up something fierce. Either I gained ten pounds or they just feel weird because I was in a panic state.
I open the door to find Aaron standing there, with case in tow. "Let's start drinking." he says. Well, alright then, "come on in", I say. "Tap the keg and get to it...........dude, something does not feel right." (loud, hysterical laughter comes from the basement where I left my first true love)
Me: "Hey, what's so funny down there? It wasn't that bad, was it?"
Her: "No, Is there something wrong?"
Me: "No, why?"
Her: "Are you positive?"
Me: "Yes, why?"
Her: "Oh no reason. I seem to have lost my panties. I'll just wear yours instead."
Me: "What was that?"
Me: "I'll be back in a minute, dude. My girl is wigging out."
As I walk back downstairs, I could not shake the uncomfortable goings on, downstairs.
Me: "What is wrong?"
Her: "Oh nothing. Could you drop your pants?"
Me: "Ah yeah, you like it freaky, huh?"
Her: "Humor me."
As I finished untying my shorts, I noticed the reason why I felt some chaffing a few minutes prior.
In my haste to get the door, I grabbed my clothes without paying much attention. And, as it turned out, I grabbed my girlfriends under garment, instead of my own. They were red, like mine. But mine were 30's in men's, hers were 3's, in women's. Hers were of the thong variety. I put hers on, backwards.
You can just imagine, who the "ass" of the joke was for the duration of that night.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winn-ah!! It was indeed ib at Habitual Hobbit who took pity on me in my time of extreme boredom and send me this gem of a guest post!!! Thank you so much!!! If you haven't stopped by to see his blog do so. NOW!
As for Vinny...I think I owe you a piece of my
junk treasure. Send me your address and I'll get something off in the mail to you. Thanks for playing. And thanks again to Habitual Hobbit. It was way fun.