Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bonerdar


Bonerdar
We all know about radar and even gaydar, but how many of us know what bonerdar is?  You can try to look it up but I guarantee you won’t find it on dictionary.com or even wikipedia which means that I suspect Darling Husband made the term up but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a real thing.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  
So radar is something that most air traffic controllers use to monitor planes in the sky and that weathermen use to track storms and such.  At work most of us want to fly under the radar or above it but in general, stay off it in most cases.  Except when we want to be on it.  For example when I worked in the real world with real people I was always looking for the next promotion so when VIPs would visit the office I always asked myself how to GET on their radar.  Bit ridiculous really.  
Gaydar is the ability, whether natural or cultivated, to spot a gay man. It was cultivated in me when I was working in the hospitality industry.  That sounds way more glamourous than it was because the truth of the matter is I worked in the hotel’s fine dining restaurant.  But there were a fair amount of gay men that I worked with.  I had no clue until they invited me to a drag show after work one night.  OMG!  Best.  Time.  Ever.  The room service manager was actually one of the participants.  I’m digressing again, aren’t I?  I think we all understand the concept.    
Which leads me to bonerdar.....I know you’ve all been holding your collective breath.  You can exhale now.  I’m wondering now if it shouldn’t be hyphenated.  Hmmmm...Anyway, bonerdar is short for boner radar....the phenomenon that happens when your children can be completely otherwise occupied in another part of the house until mom and dad start fooling around.  You shut the bedroom door, or in the case of our poor crooked little house push it to, and block it with a clothes hamper, and sometime before you get done, either just getting started or in the middle of a stroke, there is a knock on the door or a little voice from the other side...”Mom?  Dad?   What’re you doing in there?”  I don’t think that there is a quicker way for a man to lose an erection save having cold water poured unexpectedly down your back or having the cat sneak up and try to box with your balls like they are a cat toy (again, whole ‘nother story).  
I have made no secret of the fact that I love having sex with my husband so we work it out as often as we can.  I think it’s fair to say that nearly half the time our best laid (hahahahaha no pun intended) plans go awry.  
Do you have a name for it. or shall we coin the term bonerdar forever more?  My ears are open and I’m anxious to hear from you all!

27 comments:

  1. God, now the grandkids do it when they visit. Never a dull moment. Have no name for it but love yours.

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  2. LMAO, so true, isn't it? (They can also hear you open a bag of chips from the other end of the house, or even outside.) Actually, all kids are card carrying members of the UAFS - United Adult Fun Spoilers.

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  3. So it never stops Barb? And I was really looking forward to college....*sigh*

    Li- I didn't know that!!! That explains so much!!!! *LOL*

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. LOL- when they were young, we had the every other weekend father thing, so i could count on that. but it was always a struggle! good luck!

    BTW- you are the JADIP sponsor starting monday feb 8!!!!

    Bruce
    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    dreamodeling!
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

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  6. You are one horny woman, honey. What happened to waiting until the kids go to bed? Oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to. ;-) I guess I don't have that problem cause the hubs and I don't have sex and I make out with gay men.

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  7. you are right, hard to keep up the mood when someone's knocking & calling out to you. or whining. we try to be all sneaky, creeping over the squeaky floor to close & lock the door.

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  8. That is freaking funny.

    I never had that problem though as my ex wife never had sex again (well with me) after our kids were born.

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  9. I would have called it BONAR. Like sonar, only different.

    Although, that would probably somehow imply that the kids could hear the boner, which is, well, weird.

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  10. Ha, that's pretty funny stuff. Reminds me to invest in locking doors and soundproof walls in my bedroom before I have kids. Although, that could be a little dangerous if they get into something dangerous. Do they make like a cage for kids so they can't get into trouble? Those leashes have become socially acceptable, so why not?

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  11. i like your term and i have learned children are the quickest way to end your sex life

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  12. While "bonerdar"is great (and I would have used it-the expression, not the boner. I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that), I think Kev D.'s suggestion of "BONAR" rises over all comers (pun intended).

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  13. My daughter has never seemed to develop bonerdar. Now she's a teen and if the bedroom door is shut she just pretends in her head that we are changing clothes or sleeping. You know parents doing the deed is just ewww.

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  14. we had a dog that was the same way. some of our needy cats may cry incessantly at the bedroom door while awesome husband and i are having maritals. but one reason why cats are better than children is you can just ignore them and they won't set the house on fire.

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  15. ha! We have the same issue.....my three year old actually threw his truck at the door and put a dent in it! We thought he was breaking it down! LOL!

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  16. Okay, I have to tell you that you are all hilarious!!!

    Bruce - notice that you removed one of your posts. Surely you aren't censoring yourself for my benefit. Was the evil Bruce meddling again? Long as he doesn't attack me personally it's all good. Thanks for cluing me in. I realize that it is in the effort to keep me from taking matters into my own hands...

    Mad Housewife - Seriously, wait until they go to bed? Where is your spontaneity?

    Sherrilyn - We try to be all sneaky quiet too, it's like they just know.....

    OT - You poor dear. I seriously am going to work with Mrs Hyde to get you a hummer. I promise. Everyone should have sex as often and as well as Darling Husband and I do. Everyone that wants to anyway.

    KEV - I like that. BONAR. And while the idea that the children could actually hear the erection is sort of creepy, there is a part of me that wonders if this is not indeed the case.

    Dad - whole 'nother story that I'm going to have to get permission from Darling Husband to share.

    Jen - not a bad idea, but I gave up on car sex when I was a teenager. Just double checked with Darling Hubby and we've never had vehicular sex. We did try it in a church van once....*again whole 'nother story*

    Christopher, I don't know about cages, man.. You know, you could get a large dog kennel.....just sayin'. *lololol*

    Becca - there have been seasons when that was true. I became reasonably sure that we would never get to have sex again and I couldn't even find a quiet moment to do myself. However for the most part we are fortunate in that regard.

    Al - You're funny. I think BONAR is a clear winner. I do use the word and the object every chance I get but completely understand why you don't.

    Ruth - how fortunate for you!!! Wow! How did you manage? My 10 year old no longer knocks at the door or calls out to us for the reason that you mentioned. She has realized that if the door is closed it is best to just turn around and go in the other direction.....

    Steph, whining dogs and shouty cats can definitely be distracting. However lacking opposable thumbs they are limited in the damage they can do.

    HMC - Oh my gosh!!! I bet that crash ended your fun and scared the crap out of you.

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  17. no EB, would never say anything bad in the personal area...he loves broad generalities (sp?) unless you are a celebutard or politician!

    i totally messed up the date...i had you scheduled on the 8th but in the comment i told you the second, but that is tommorow and i already have adorkable ditz on the the posts...

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  18. My wife and I always referred to is sexdar. All children are equipped with a sexdar at birth. When the mood is thick, it is deemed a challenge to not let the mommy and the daddy have a private time.

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  19. Just so you know, I was holding my breath for your explanation the bonerdar & I passed out. Don't worry, I'm okay. A girl I knew in one of my classes last year complained of this. She said they would wait for their baby to fall asleep but, as soon as they got into it, he'd get up & start crying. She observed that he slept straight through for hours when they were not having sex, though.

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  20. I can't stop laughing at the image of the ball boxing cat!

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  21. You were tagged in a post at my place doll. ;-)

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  22. I do believe bonerdar is the perfect term. My "children" are 18 & 19 and still find a way to interrupt us. My dogs also interrupt us. We either lock them out of the room and they whine and wimper at the door, drawing one of the Girls' attention or we let them in the room, which turns it into a really gross and disturbing spectator sport.

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  23. Seems like as suitable a term as any!

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  24. OMG. Good to know we are not the only people sneaking off during a Disney flick and blocking the bedroom door.
    We just call our kids "the interrupters" and ask "HOW do they know?"

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  25. Ain't it the fucking truth? Our walls are paper thin, so if we want to get it in while the kids are still awake, we must be REALLY QUIET. And the interruption is always, always, always in mid-stroke. Kinda makes me wish I had gotten my tubes tied before I had kids.


    a bitch called mom

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