Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Oooooh, Sparkly!!!

Warning: objects in blog post pics may appear larger than they were in reality
As we enter the season of decorations, shiny tinsel and all things sparkly I have gone on a journey to find something special in the junk trunk.   Yes, I’m back on that again.  I know that I drift away from it occasionally (or more than occasionally) but that was the premise of my blog to begin with.  I briefly mentioned here that I was married prior to Darling Husband.  I tend to refer to him as the Practice Husband.  So, I present to you the Practice Ring.  No idea now what became of the real thing. 
After watching my mother be married (several times) while I was growing up, I really had no idea how it was supposed to go.  I sort of figured that marriages were like pancakes, you have to mess up a few (or more than a few in my mother’s case) before you get one right.  Fortunately, I only had to mess up one.  
I started dating him when I was 17.  He was 23.  We both worked at the local grocery store chain.     He had red hair, a shiny red sports car, and he lifted weights regularly.  All of these were attractive attributes.  I’m usually more a fan of tall, dark, and handsome guys but he had a sort of ‘boyish’ charm.  He was the consummate gentleman, nice church going Christian boy.  (I just thew up in my mouth a little bit thinking about it) 
Recently, I noticed several blogs in the vein of ‘What would you say to your 16 year old self?’.  I had to work really hard to resist copycat blogging because there are so, so, so many pieces of advice that I would give myself.  Probably at the top of that list would be - “You are way hotter than you can possibly imagine and immensely lovable, so when you meet the redheaded guy who works in the produce department and drives the hot car don’t merely keep on walking....RUN!”   
I don’t know what to say about him other than we were incompatible.  I was all free spirited, wanting to suck the marrow out of life and he seemed to have stopped maturing emotionally around the age of 14.  I was in honors classes in high school and he was developmentally delayed.  Not like drooling, short bus, licking the windows and wearing a helmet, delayed but not what you’d call the sharpest tool in the shed either. When I look back at that I always ask myself...‘Really?  What were you thinking?’ 
I did manage to keep it together for 1 year and 11 months.  But I couldn’t take his controlling tendencies.  So one evening, I went out to the grocery store and didn’t come back.  I know...that’s so cliche.  But that’s exactly how it happened.  He started calling everywhere and everyone we knew and no one would give me up.  Most of them genuinely didn’t know where I was but those who did, weren’t talking.  It felt like I was escaping.  From that moment on I was experiencing what it was to be 20 years old and free for the first time.  I went buck wild.  But that was covered in 'the other post'. *wink*  

I think the most important thing to take away from this is that I only needed one Practice Husband.  Still wasn't really sure how to be a good wife or be good at being married when Darling Husband and I finally got our collective heads out of our assess and decided to tie the knot.  He just happens to love me a whole lot and is exceptionally understanding.  The fact that we like to fuck like minks probably doesn't hurt either, now that I think on it.  *grin*  Regardless of all that has gone before, I'm thankful for each deviation in my path, because any one thing changed could have led me right past the love of my life. 


  1. Great post! Yes I agree all of our bad choices lead us to right road!

  2. It's interesting that no matter what we royally screw up, when we're at some sort of happy place, you're afraid to take back the mistakes.

    Your paragraph about what you would tell your 16 year old self was hysterical.

  3. I think most of us have had those "What were you thinking?" relationships, or in your and my case "What were you thinking?" husbands. Glad you found Darling Husband, and I can't wait to see what you call him on days when he's not so darling. :)

  4. Thanks SSW - I like to think of it that way.

    Jolene - you have an excellent point. We all practice 'revisionist history' when we come out on the other side of something. At the time it was easily the hugest (most huge?) mistake I could have made. Just glad it turned out okay.

    Glad you liked it OT. I enjoyed yours today too!

    Krissy, most days he Darling Husband. Come to think of it, he's Darling Husband even when him isn't so darling. And there are those times too... LOL

  5. I'm glad my practice relationship didn't turn into a practice marriage (which it could have gone down that road). I like to think of it as several years of learning instead of 'I can't believe I wasted my boob's perkier years on that bastard.'

    I'm happy that you found someone worth your time and energy. Darling Husband seems like a better fit the way you talked about him.

  6. Is it me or has your font got smaller? Yes yes I know we old people can press Ctrl + to enlarge the zoom ;-)

  7. It may have gotten smaller but that wasn't on purpose. I'll see if I can't large-n it up for you. :)

  8. @ Kara.. Oh great! Thanks for reminding me I wasted "perky boob years" on him, too! LOL

  9. oh my gawd girl... you really make me laugh my face off! thanks for the giggle!

  10. I'm a firm believer in regreting nothing. It's hard to do sometimes, but everything we do in the past shapes who we are now...and I'm pretty kick ass right now...and it seems you are too.
    So, I don't know how much of a warning I would give my 16yr old self. Loved this post!

  11. @ Kara - Wow, I never thought about the wasted perky boob-ness of it all. I may have to mourn the time lost some more now.

    @ Average girl - so glad I could give a giggle. I had no idea it was that funny. I mean, when I think back on it, it's hilarious to me but then, I was living it didn't know if it would translate that well in writing.

    @ Melissa - Thanks so much!!!

    @ Krissy - okay so yesterday I wasn't feeling good and Darling Husband did a few things that got on my nerves. So for a few hours he was less Darling and more Dickish.

    @ Jewels - regretting nothing is hard and it has taken me a long time to get to my regretting nothing/revisionist history state. I do think that I could come up with a laundry list of warnings for my 16 year old self, not like I'd listen anyway. LOL

  12. Well, now I know what he is when he's not Darling Husband. :) The question has been answered! Hope you're feeling better, btw.

  13. Well, the ring was cute. I've been married to my practice husband for 16 years, so at least you had the sense to go 'grocery store' on his ass.

  14. long as we learn from our mishaps, and can one day laugh when the subject arises, we can grow as people, regardless of our age.

    Great post:)