V is for Vajazzling!!! (not Vodka)

That's right, you read my title correctly, V is not for Vodka...not today.  It probably would have been if one of my besties Steph hadn't said she already know what my V day would be.  So I didn't do it.  However I have to confess that all morning long I was going about my day thinking about what I would post about instead and in all honesty I couldn't get past 'not vodka'.  So I pop onto IM with Steph and explain the mental block she created for me and gave me many good suggestions.  At the top of my favorites was Vagina.  Which reminded me of Vajazzling.  See how that works? 

Now I know that vajazzling is hardly breaking news.  Jennifer Love Hewitt made it public knowledge in her interview with George Lopez as he stared slack jawed as she explained it.  It's an old interview from January of last year but I'm going to put it here (I hope it works) in case you missed it.  Very entertaining stuff.  

When I first saw it I had my million dollar idea.  Wax for melting and fabric strips, craft jewels and hot glue...do it yourself, redneck vajazzling kits. But don't you know I didn't hop on that wave fast enough.  Before you knew it you could get it done in spas, and even get adhesive designs on transparent plastic and do it yourself in the comfort of your own home.  Missed the boat.  Damnitall.  

Now its everywhere apparently.  When trying to find an appropriate picture for this post there were pages and pages of Google images.  Some were quite pretty and there were some things that I really never, ever needed to see.  And guys, I have to ask....if you were getting your groove on with a girl and got down there to find this...what would you think? Seriously, I'm curious.  Not sure that's the word I'd choose but to each their own.  

However, in my research this afternoon I've found proof positive that the fad has gone too far. 

Yes, I know it's probably photo shopped, at least I hope to God it's photo shopped, however if you do a google image search for pejazzle (what?  I was curious if the guys did it too) there are pics on there very inappropriate to our little blog community.  

U is for Unrequited

Dictionary.com defines 'unrequited' as an adjective meaning not returned or reciprocated (as in love).  I am about to share with you my first and so far only negative thing that I have to say about my new locale.  I love Idaho, I love my new little town and I love most of the people in it.  Starting to get the feeling they don't feel the same way 'bout me.  Can you even imagine it?  

I mean everyone is nice enough, at least on the surface, but as spring starts to set in and I break out my colorful spring wardrobe that consists of bright colors and loud floral prints, it becomes more and more obvious that I am different.  Like a wild growing flower among the sagebrush.  I love Darling Husband so much when he says things like this to me.  

He explains to me that it will take people a while to adjust because here the men tend to be particularly controlling and the women walk around with their eyes downcast.  I'm the opposite of that and some people find it threatening.  Apparently all the men want to do me and all the women want to be me.  Seriously, you've no idea how hard I'm laughing at that idea.  

The reason that I find that idea so amusing is that every woman I know (or knew previous to the move) is just like me.  Large personality, eyes up, tits out, and we speak our minds to whomever happens to be in earshot, we make decisions about our daily lives and our children and we if you don't like it fuck off already.  In Carolina, I was just another woman, timid by comparison to some of my friends.  

Apparently by Idaho standards then, we would all be lacking in the proper social graces, clueless about our appropriate 'place' in our marriages and entirely too headstrong.  I'm so fortunate that Darling Husband wouldn't have me any other way, wild and untamed (who knew? certainly not me).  He loves that I have opinions and know my own mind.  He loves that I wear makeup and apparently here have the ability to make a statement without saying a word.  I just hope that my neighbors will become my friends soon and return some of the hospitality and friendship we are trying to put out there.  

Anyway, I'll adjust.  Signed your wild growing, emotionally unhousebroken, opinionated, flower.  Maybe you should call me Audrey.  LOLOLOL

T is for Trust

Okay, time again to get off my dead ass and get this blog challenge knocked out.  Today's topic is trust.  How hard it is to get it and how easy it is to lose it.  Also, my dismay at my continuing naivete with people.  Clearly I don't have good discernment when it comes to people in my life that I share confidential information with.  This isn't a new problem and I would expect to have at least learned from it by the ripe old age of 40 years. 

Darling Husband says that it is because I expect everyone to be the same as me.  I judge everyone's potential actions based on what I would do.  I have to take a moment to break my arm patting myself on the back because I am an excellent secret keeper.  I have several friends who trust me because they know that they can tell me anything and I won't judge or tell.  I know where ALL the bodies are friends and neighbors and the information is going to my grave with me.  

Today was another hard lesson in who you can trust and who you cannot.  There is someone who worked on the same account as me but was let go.  I was talking to her on the phone just bitching about stuff and she was totally sympathetic and knew, totes KNEW that it needed to stay between us.  This morning I wake up to a complete shit storm because she has emailed all of my virtual co-workers (excluding me of course) her condolences for our plight, naming me as the source where she got her information.  (As an aside, she didn't get all of her information from me).  If that weren't bad enough, one  of my virtual co-workers forwarded said email to our lead, who decided rather urgently to rip me a new asshole. 

This is all so middle school I don't think I can stand it.  However junior high it may be I did block her from my AIM and un-friended her on facebook.  Yeah, I know, petty, but I was hurt and angry.  Still toying with the idea of forwarding her original email back to her saying something like "Seriously?  What. The. Fuck?"  Long story short, I shouldn't have said anything at all to her then she wouldn't have been able to spin my words because there wouldn't have been any words for her to spin, unless she made them up, which she might have done.  Who the fuck knows? 

On the upside I do trust Darling Husband to color my hair which he did for me last night.  He's been doing it for me for so many years that I can't even count them now.  I don't remember.  It is copper penny red and beautiful.  Thank you Darling Husband.  I love you.