Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I’ve noticed that I’ve been thinking and saying the word stagnant or some form of it a lot lately. defines the word stagnant in the following ways:
1.not flowing or running, as water, air, etc.
2.stale or foul from standing, as a pool of water.
3.characterized by lack of development, advancement, or progressive movement.
4.inactive, sluggish, or dull.

Monty, I’ll take doors number 3 and 4.  
Darling Husband and I have lived in the same house since right before we found out we were going to have our first child (roughly 11.5 years ago).  It was the perfect size house for a couple.  Even a good sized house to have only one child but of course we couldn’t stop with one child.  We deliberately had a second child and the house started to shrink a bit.  What with the spare bedrooms filling up and toys everywhere.  It was cozy.  By the time we had our third child (who, by the way was a surprise) it had started getting ‘tight’.  Funny how the family grows but the house does not.   
Add to this a host of health and financial problems and let’s suffice to say we’ve been really struggling for the past....well....several years.  I only go through all this to give you some background.  We have gotten so used to not having the means to make our ends meet that we fell into a thought pattern of ‘lack’.  We couldn’t find good work, we couldn’t get all the bills paid, we even started telling our children that we couldn’t afford to do this or that.  It pervaded every part of our being. It was reflected in our thoughts and attitudes about everything from our life situation to other people.  
So used to this negative feeling of ‘lack’ did we become, that we started to get comfortable with it, if you can imagine such a thing.  And it made us stagnant.  For a long time we were “characterized by lackof development, advancement, or progressive movement”.  Then it happened.  
Nah, we didn’t win the lottery or get an inheritance.  If only.... we did finally wake up one day and decide we’d had enough.  There is nothing tying us to our current locale.  Well, my mom, but really is that enough?  The answer is ‘no, it isn’t’.   She’ll be upset and likely throw a mondo guilt trip my way but I can deal with that.  Because I know she’ll mostly be upset that her perfect granddaughter will be going far away.  
It started gradually.  Darling Husband and I doing internet searches for places with lower costs of living than where we are now.  And we had some ‘ideas’ about the general direction in which we’d like to move.  Then we found it.  The perfect house.  Nearly 3 times the house we’re in now with a separate office space because we both work from home.  All for about what we’re paying now.  In Idaho.  
So we changed our thought pattern.  Started taking small actions like packing up non-essentials and really focusing on what we want and what we CAN do.  We stopped telling ourselves all the reasons why we can’t and developed an attitude of ‘why not?” and ‘who says?’.  It’s been so amazing and liberating having a positive change to focus on.  We’ve been approved for the house in Idaho we’re just still haggling negotiating all the terms.  I really hate negotiating.  But that’s a whole ‘nother post.  
Anyway, we’re breaking our cycle of stagnation and if you find yourself chronically in an unhappy, unmoving place, I would encourage you to change the way you think about things.  Stop doing what we did for so long - just being a victim of your circumstances - and start thinking about what you CAN do, and what you CAN change about your situation.  Sometimes the changes are small and sometimes they are a 2200 mile cross country trek with 3 kids, 2 pets and all of your worldly belongings.  Start small and see where it takes you.  


  1. iwe to live from paycheck to paycheck but i learned at a very young age life is short so even though we don't have a lot i alway try living for the moment i want my son to know not having alot soen't mean you can't enjoy each moment you are given. great post be the way and love that you found what you were looking for.

  2. Wow, and I thought taking a job four hours from where I've lived my whole life was a big step. But I, like you, did it to give my kids (and me) a better situation and overall opportunity for our lives. Good for you! Congrats and good luck with the move.


  3. Stagnation is the perfect word to describe my whole entire life.

  4. I have done what you are thinking of doing several times and it is so worth it. I drove across country at 17. I moved from NJ to CT. I've moved from CT to SC. I'm a firm believer that change is good. Idaho is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Good luck with it.

  5. I don't feel like my life is stagnant right now... even though I'm in a routine of going to school. I feel like even when school is hard I learn something. Also, writing really helps me get away from that feeling of stagnation.

  6. you go!

    and the great thin g about the cyberwebbwer is it goes where you do, so we can all come with you!

    does the new place have a ManCave?

    i am in the most stagnation i have ever been in and it sucks...

    but mylibeean will graduate in 1.5 years and then...

    on the road again!

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  7. Becca - that's where we've been but in our case, paycheck to paycheck wasn't nearly enough to cover it all. We too try to impress upon the kids that it is love and people and experiences that matter the most.

    PMT- Thanks so much for the vote of confidence and well wishes. I just keep thinking positively and forward.

    OT - either you are really comfortable with stagnant or it's time to start working on some positive change there doll!

    Barb - you are unfailingly kind. One of the best books I've read on the matter is 'Who Moved My Cheese' and cheese is a metaphor for the things in life that make us happy and feel comfortable. You have to recognize when your cheese is getting old and moldy or when it disappears altogether. Moral of the story "Anything is better than being in a cheeseless situation". Sounds like you live your life being aware of your cheese. I want to be more like you.

    Melissa - that's awesome. I am going to make a concerted effort to never be stagnant again. It really is a dreadful feeling of helplessness when we are really anything but.

    Bruce - Doll face, I wouldn't dream of making this trip without you guys!!! I'm sure there will be plenty of fodder for posts during further haggling/negotiations, packing, planning and the actual trip. As for the man-cave...yeah, not so much. It does have a room that would make a lovely ladies' craft nook. I love that word...nook. It has such a nice sound....but I digress.

  8. craftnook or long as there is vodka, right!

    is there a garage? cuz in my book i describe the garage or fort in detail, but i do not remember the chapter.. it is soon i think...


  9. Vodka makes my world go round Bruce. You know me too well. In fact, when I was making initial calls to people in the area we're looking to move to I verified that they weren't in a 'dry' area. I was assured that wasn't the case.

    And there is a 2 car garage!!! We were going to put the office in the garage and we realized that wasn't considered 'heated square feet'. I'll keep my eyes open for the fort chapter, in fact, I can't wait. *grin*

  10. This is EXACTLY what I need to do. Starting.... NOW! Thanks for the inspiration.

  11. jealous. you know how i feel about that, i just wish i could up and leave but i have too many loose ends to tie up.

  12. Wow, that's a BIG change. Good luck to you and your family. My house mysteriously shrunk, too, so I get it.

  13. Change is good.
    Right now as much as I want to change things I can't. Hopefully soon.I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and with how things have been in the past, that is comfort to me.
    I hope you enjoy Idaho. It is a beautiful place. If you can, check out Shoshone Falls-it's lovely.

  14. hey girly girl! i know you are packing and all, but this award will not take up much room!



  15. Thanks Bruce!!!! In the new house I'm going to print and frame all my awards since it will be big enough. Maybe I'll devote a whole room to them!!! *LOL*

    Tame One - So glad that I could inspire. Didn't really exactly intend to be inspirational just getting all my junk out here as per usual.

    Dad - I know you aren't really a fan of Idaho, but I'm glad you appreciate my willingness to search for new Cheese (or potatoes as the case may be).

    Steph - I do know how you feel but just remember big enough house for guests.....*grin*

    Mrs.Hyde - you know your well wishes always mean so much to me. The good news is that thanks to our little blog world nothing much will change. Except that I may start posting really annoying pictures of 'the house' - at least it isn't food though, right?

    Ruth - I think change is good. I just tend to be a bit resistant to it at times. I'll be sure to check out Shoshone Falls and everywhere else that is easily within driving distance...Like Yellowstone park. The kids are hoping to find Yogi and Boo Boo.

  16. Why, oh why did you have to go and post a story about looking forward? I have been comfortably numb here in my "stagnant" mindset. Now, I believe I may be experiencing the feeling of optimism, and I am not sure I like it. That said, thanks for this. It was something that I needed to hear (read).

  17. What a ballsy thing to do...I love it!

    And I can tell you first hand, Idaho is beautiful! I've lived in Idaho for most of my life :)


  18. Very good post. You never know what you can do until you try. The old cliches are soooooo true. You could write a post about every single one of them. Very well written here. I hope you two are able to keep up with the small changes, eventually landing exactly where you want to be. Baby steps, it's a guaranteed cure."

    Draven Ames

  19. You can earn $20 for each 20 minute survey!

    Guess what? This is exactly what big companies are paying me for. They need to know what their customer base needs and wants. So these companies pay $1,000,000's of dollars every month to the average person. In return, the average person, like myself, answers some questions and gives them their opinion.