Monday, November 15, 2010

Shiny Turkey

You know those oven roasting bags?  Reynolds makes them, I think.  They come in different sizes including a turkey size.  And for whatever reason they come two to a bag.  Guess what I have left over?  That’s right, I’ve found an unused turkey bag from the first year that I tried to make Thanksgiving dinner.  
The year was 1991 and I was living in an apartment with a roommate.  We had a group of friends  and we all hung out together.  Some of us worked together but we all lived in the same apartment complex and we were all the same age, roughly.  We very rarely knocked on each other’s doors and you could always find a group of us in one apartment or another.  We were like Friends before the series really took off.  For some reason our apartment was a favorite.  It was like everyone’s buzz den.  Which was fine with us.  Mostly no one left the place in a mess.  We just gathered there and ate and smoked pot and drank.  Sometimes people crashed on our couch and that was okay too.  I’m not sure if I was just young enough to not care or if we had a really great group.  
This particular year the week before Thanksgiving one of the guys who lived upstairs won a frozen turkey from work.  This happened to work out perfectly because  we were sitting around bemoaning having to attend our various families’ upcoming functions.  He was wondering what the hell he was going to do with a turkey he couldn’t cook and we decided to do our own Thanksgiving.  I was nominated to cook and my roommate was going to make homemade bread.    We would all put in money toward the groceries and hang our on Thanksgiving together and have our own celebration.  The best laid plans of mice and men....
So around 10am we start gathering.  We watch the Macy’s parade and eat powered sugar donuts while consuming irish coffee.  We were also hitting the Papa Bear bong (no seriously, it was the cutest damn put the bowl in it’s belly button, it had a carb in the back and you smoked out of its head).  By the time the parade was over we were feeling righteous.  
Armed with the recipe that my mother gave me and an oven roasting bag I prepped the turkey and stuffed it in the bag.  Into the oven it went.  My roommate made a beautiful loaf of hommade bread and when she went to bake it she opened the oven door and said (I will not forget it to this day.....) “Wow, that turkey sure is SHINY”.  My response was a shrug and something along the lines of how its supposed to be shiny because it’s juicy.  Then the following conversation ensued: 
Her “I thought you put the turkey in a bag.” 
Me  “I did put the turkey in a bag.”  
Her“Okay, but there’s no bag”
Me “Of course there is.  It didn’t just disappear.  You helped me put the turkey in the bag.”
Her “No, really....come look.”
Friends and neighbors, have you ever wondered why the instruction to add two tablespoons of flour and use it to coat the inside of the baking bag is there?  If so, let me clear that up for you.  It is to prevent the plastic bag from melting to your bird.  I completely missed it and failed to do so.  Inside my oven was the most beautiful, shiny turkey you’ve ever seen.  Think laminated.  
Obviously we couldn’t eat it that way.  We did have some yummy sides and homemade bread but the turkey was a bust.  We all had a good laugh about it and strangely enough no one asked me to cook again. 
So with that story told, it has prompted me to create my own blog award.  I’m creating the Shiny Turkey Blog Award.

 Initially I thought that this award would have to go with a story of CWI (cooking while intoxicated) but then I realized that not everyone drank....or cooked, much less at the same time.  So, instead, when accepting this award you share with us a funny story that involves any of these elements “food, intoxication, kitchen, cooking/baking, or holidays”.  And pass it on to 3-5 other deserving bloggers that you want to hear more from.  

Not trying to overthink my importance to the blogging community but I did think it would be fun.  So without further ado,  my award recipients are.....

StephGas at it's never too late to save a hopeless case because I know she cooks and drinks, although I think she may not do them at the same time.  

SSW at The Anonymous Perils of a Single Southern Woman because I bet she has a good story

Mynx at Dribble because I love the awards she's thinking of creating and wouldn't dream of stealing her thunder.  

and finally.....
Sam at Rot du Jour just because I want to hear her story too.  I bet she's got one. 

And so as not to be remiss my ABC's of thankfulness - 

K - Kisses.  I am thankful for slow, passionate kissed from Darling Husband and sweet kisses from my kids and kisses from friends that I haven't seen in a while and those that I see all the time.  I love kisses.  

L - Love.  I'm thankful for love.  The love that I receive from others and the love that flows through me to send out.  I'm thankful that I'm learning, finally, that I am both worthy to receive and capable of giving love.  

M - Money.  I am thankful that we have the money we need to take care of our family.  We don't have any extra most of the time but we do have what we need.  

N - Nature.  I'm thankful for the colored trees and the beauty that surrounds us.  It reminds me that God cares for us that much.  If he didn't he wouldn't bother with the technicolors of life.  

O - Open heart.  I am thankful that I have an open heart to feel and express emotions readily and to give and receive Love.  


  1. Great story - and love the idea of inspiring others to write about their cooking/drinking escapades.

    I had an old friend who had one of those bear bongs - made from one of those honey bears. I think that was in a movie too - can't remember what movie now. Anyway my friend thought it was the funniest thing ever, but he never used it around anyone because it didn't work worth a damn. He was embarrassed to let people know that because he was always bragging about it.


  2. thanks for the award :D now i'll have to be sure to come up with a story worthy of it.

    i never really used bongs or what not. i was more of a joint kind of girl. just pop my joints in my marlboro case and i'd be off for the day - no extra accoutremnents required.

    a friend did have a stone turtle that we'd smoke from sometimes. it was small though, and people had been known to burn their nosehair while trying to light it.

  3. Love this post! Thank you for the award I'm so very honored. I will try to post my thanksgiving story from last year, that's when I hosted the madness at my house!

  4. Thanks Simple Dude. I'm at least hoping that I'm not the only one.

    This bear was ceramic and it worked hella good. Got it from the local head shop. When he got it we made fun of it and called it the baby bear bong b/c it was so damn cute. Once we tried it out, it got quickly promoted because the buzz you got wasn't a baby anything.

  5. Wow, y'all were posting while I was.

    SSW, you're most welcome. I'm glad you like the award!

    Steph, I really think there should be bong and pipe safety regulations to prevent nosehair burning and other hazards.

  6. I deep fry my turkeys. To me they taste better than the baked ones.

    Oh and I occasionally on Mondays write about different crap I like to cook.

  7. In that case I should have extended the award to you also. I feel sure you have some good stories to choose from.

  8. Never had a bear bong, but one day the ex-hubster decided to make a bong out of my beloved childhood piggy bank. Bowl in the bum, inhale through the nostrils. Was I impressed? Not terribly, no.

  9. Hi there,
    I think that is really neat that you have created. 'The Shiny Turkey Blog Award'. I recall how much fun I had creating the 'Gold Framed Dog Blog Award', that way our lovable dog, gets to see herself all over the internet
    :-) Luckily, this new-found fame has not gone to Penny's head lol
    And what a delightful turkey story you have submitted. Which reminds me, here's wishing you a most enjoyable American Thanksgiving Day.
    Many congratulations to those you have forwarded your brand new, shiny award too.
    Have a peaceful and pleasant week.
    In kindness, Gary :-)

  10. LOL! I love this story! The perils of cookings while intoxicated! Great idea for an award I really like it-not just because you gave me one either ;) Thank you very much for passing this on to me I'm really flattered! I'm pretty sure I can dig up story about drinking or cooking or Thanksgiving or all of the above.

  11. What a great idea, and I love it that you were a little inspired by me. Thankyou so much for the award. You have me thinking now. No turkey story though, I have never cooked a whole one, ever.

  12. So THAT'S why you have to add the flour. Good to know. I drink and cook all the time and have become quite good at it, actually. One time hubs and I were rock star wasted and hungry as hell. I made some shrimp fried rice that would make you want to slap your mama. At least it tasted good at the time. I was drunk, so...

  13. What a great story and it sounds like we ran in the same circles except mine were back in the 70's. Bears, bongs and bones!!! Nice post!

  14. Hey, at lest that turkey will be preserved for posterity.

  15. OOO cool award. And such a wonderful anecdote. Thanks for sharing.

  16. At least you didn't wound any domestic pets! This is great! Are we related???

  17. We didn't have pets back then. No one was responsible enough. Well, the guys upstairs had a really nice aquarium, if that counts. But nothing furry or super dependent.

    We might be related, my mom is called "Mimi" too. How funny is that?!?

  18. Come check out your guest post on my blog:!