Sister Wives Need Not Apply

*DISCLAIMER - this is totally a copycat post based on Mrs. Hyde's blog post.  You can find it here. Please click, it's an excellent blog and a really great post.  I just have a different perspective on it.*

Okay, so I watched this show on TLC or discovery or whereverthehell it was last week for the first time ever.  I know they have been doing this for months, maybe years.  I've just always managed to have something else to do or watch when it was being aired.  This past, whichever night it was, I actually sat through an episode.  Wow.  

Let me just get this out of the way to clear it up.  I'm not about to go all 'Christian judgey' on anyone.  Not my style.  If it works for them, more power to them.  I personally think it is a huge waste of the area's police and DSS resources to investigate them.  He isn't breaking any laws that I can tell.  He is legally married to the first wife and she is simply allowing him to have 3 mistresses besides.  

I have a number of issues with it and questions about it.  The issues are just mine because I am one seriously jealous bitch.  I'm good with plenty of things, Darling Husband has always been an incorrigible  flirt.  He likes women and women like him.  I had to learn to deal with it.  He's curbed his nature somewhat but it doesn't change the basic fact that, like me, females are completely charmed by him.  However, there are a few things that are just for me.  Like his cock.  It's for me and only me.  

So most of my questions and bizarre curiosity are centered around their sex life. Surely that isn't a surprise to anyone.  I mean, how do they determine who he sleeps with?  Do they have a calendar that says wife one gets him on Sunday and Thursday night, wife 2 on Tues and Sat, wife 3 on Wed and Friday and when the hell does that leave for wife 4?   Oh, Mondays, of course...what was I thinking?  

Now assuming that none of the women are 'into' one another, that brings up a whole 'nother question.  If he just happens to be being affectionate with one  of the wives and they get all hot and bothered, is it cheating if they proceed and it isn't her turn?  

My other problem with polygamy is that it all centers around the man.  Why should so many women be content to share a single cock?  What if I wanted brother husbands?  Three of them could go out and earn good livings so we would be financially secure, the other one can stay home and help with domestic projects around the house.  At night I would have my choice of 4 penises.  Because every one is different, sometimes I would go with the sensitive one who makes sweet gentle love to me, sometimes I would go to the one who likes to play freaky deaky role playing games with me, some times I would go to the one that likes to be dominated, and sometimes I would go with the one who just likes to prop me on my knees and do me doggie style.  Whatever my fancy at the time.  

Fortunately for me, Darling Husband thinks that having more than one wife would surely be a nightmare (he lives with me y'all don't - he would know).  But just for fun, I asked him how he would feel about brother-husbands.  How would he feel about sharing me and my affections with other men.  He's really not feeling that at all.  I guess that settles it.  We are a one man, one woman household.   

April A to Z

Yes, I'm really going to do this and you can too!!! 

So while I was perusing the numerous blogs that I subscribe to, I found something really interesting.  Jennifer Daiker at unedited has this A to Z Blogging Challenge for the month of April.  I don't know who originated it, and it is probably in poor form to not link all the way back to the originator, but what can I say.  I'm lazy.  If you click her link it will take you to a sign up page.  

I've been lacking inspiration of late which is why I haven't been blogging much, so I'm thinking this might be a good way to get me going again.  The idea behind it is that there are 26 letters in the alphabet and if you blog 6 days a week for the whole month you'll be able to get in a blog post for every letter.  

This could end up being a huge bust, but I'm going to give it a go.  By all means if you are even the least bit interested click the link sign up and have a go at it yourself.  I'm sure that all of you can come up with really good stuff and I would love to see it.  Of course there are some of you, and you know who you are, that won't want your topics or creativity to be constrained in this manner and I understand that too.  Some of us need a little prompt, or prod to get moving.  

If you do want to participate, sign up, grab the button, post it on your blog and you're all set.  I'll be putting up my button shortly.  

Who is with me?

Dear Penske Truck Leasing.....UPDATED!

Dear Penske, 

You are forgiven.  Thank you for my refund.  Apparently it really IS all about talking to the right person AND being armed with the right information to justify your claim (Steph be sure to thank Ant again for me!). 

Before I start my letter, let me just offer fair warning that this is going to be a ranty and probably quite gritty post because I am all kinds of pissed off.  If you are looking for something cute and fluffy today please allow me to direct you to LOLcatz for your fix.  

Dear Penske Truck Leasing, 

Even though you came highly recommended by personal friends, your product sucks ass.  On your website your slogan is "Penske offers high-quality moving and expert support" not 'Well it DOES get you from point A to point B".  Perhaps you should take a moment to slip into something more honest like the latter.  You see, your District Manager in Salt Lake City is trying to shove the whole 'well it did get you there' thing down my throat  (although it feels more like up my ass - which, by the way, I don't take kindly to).  

So far I am completely underwhelmed by both your products and your support.  

When we decided to move cross country we knew that we needed the best possible truck to carry all of our worldly possessions some 2200 miles.  That's why we called you.  My Darling Husband explained the situation in painful detail to everyone that he spoke to.  'We're on a tight schedule, cross country in 4 days, weather permitting.  We will be traveling with 3 kids, 2 pets and all of our worldly possessions, we  don't have the luxury of waiting for someone to come out and fix the truck in transit.  We need one that will go where we need it to with no or minimal hassle."  Everyone he spoke to said they understood and seemed to be clear on what we needed.  

Not sure where exactly the breakdown in communication occurred, clearly somewhere between the call center where the order was taken and the Penske truck location where we got the truck.  All I can figure is that your rental offices received the messages via braille, morse code, ancient sanskrit or any number of other ways that need to be deciphered and apparently they lacked the requisite Ovaltine Little Orphan Annie decoder ring because we got out of there with a truck that had a shitty front-end alignment. 

That motherfucker (that's right, I said it) pulled to the right like a poorly leash trained mutt who smells a bitch in heat in the vicinity and shimmied like a burlesque dancer (minus the nice view) when driving at speeds between 45-60mph.    Not only was it uncomfortable to try and keep the monster on the road and off the shoulder, it was just plain dangerous.  

Neither myself or my husband are professional truck drivers and we crossed not one, but two mountain ranges in that piece of shit.  Oh and have I mentioned that it was the last week in February?  Most of the areas we traveled were still locked in with snow and ice and many places were still slicker than whale shit. 

Darling husband diligently reported the problem every morning that we were on the road.  Even Cliff himself doesn't have that many notes in the pocket version of Wuthering Heights.  And yet when I speak to the District Manager at Salt Lake City (oh yes, we're back to this lovely bag o'douchery) he tries to tell me that we called first in Wyoming.  Really?  Seriously?  WHAT?????  I heard the calls myself.  

Darling Husband is usually a force to be reckoned with but the DM at SLC (we all know what that stands for by now, right?) has been jacking him around for nearly two weeks since we turned in the truck.  Hemming and hawing and explaining everything away.  Or trying to.  Darling Husband in this case has just been entirely too nice.   

All we are asking for is a refund for product that didn't live up to expectations by far.  We aren't asking for compensation for all the money we spent to fuel the gas hog, or even for the antique white oak dining room table that was crushed due to all the aforementioned shaking and shimmying.  At this point, you are leaving me no choice other than to contact the BBB to report our harrowing cross country ordeal.  

Kiss my ass....

Semitruestoryteller

Apologies for ranting it all out here and if you are so inclined please feel free to post on your own blogs as a favor to me, even for just a few hours.  I want as many people as possible to know that Penske Truck Leasing sucks donkey balls (to coin a favorite phrase from Mrs. Hyde).