Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Vodka Break

Everyone knows during any heavy duty cleaning project breaks must be taken.  Allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboy...allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboy...allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboy...but I digress.  It is essential therefore to catch one’s breath, get out of the dust, into the daylight again, and pour a lovely chilled vodka drink to reflect on the progress thus far.  Or maybe to ignore what’s still there for a while.  
My job, the one I get paid to do, is to provide customer service solutions and direct sales support for consumer electronics from home via chat.  And I’m actually quite good at what I do.  However it often makes me want to scream.  Sometimes I actually do scream, and sometimes its quite profane. This doesn’t go over well with darling husband who works beside me on the phones. Its fine to talk back to ridiculous chatters as long as you don’t type it, but not when his clients can hear you.  Bad, bad, bad.  I have wondered aloud things like “WHEN MY FUCKING HEAD EXPLODES, WHO IS GOING TO CLEAN UP THE MESS?!?”  He tries to brush it off  as if I am an unstable co-worker with Turrets (because his client company is very progressive and believes in employing the handicapped) but he’s gotten reprimanded for background noise before.  Can you imagine?  
I’m pretty even tempered, but I have a very low tolerance for stupid, because as the Blue Collar Comedy Team have shown us over and over, “you cannot fix stupid”.  There are lots of things that you can overlook in a relationship or in life, but stupid, for me, is rarely one of them.  I’m not talking about developmentally delayed individuals, but the fully functioning idiots out there.  I think the Darwin awards are brilliant.  That people can take themselves out of the gene pool on their own, hopefully without propagating, is genius.  Thank you God for natural selection.  
My bullshit meter is almost always on.  Whether you are a customer, an acquaintance, a co-worker (just because I work from home, doesn’t mean I don’t have co-workers) or my own children.  Don’t try to tell me anything but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  I come from a long line of liars and storytellers and there is nothing you can tell me that I haven’t already tried.  If you are my child don’t try to tell me that the dog ate your homework unless you are prepared to bring me scraps of it in her poo.  I’m telling you been there, done that.  Hmmmm...does that make me a cynic too?  
For now the break is over dearest ones who are following my crap.  Don’t know that I’ll dive back into the depths of cleaning by next time or not.  We’ll have to see where next time finds me.  Hell, I may still be on vodka break. 

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