Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?

Okay so before you even get started with this blog watch the video please otherwise the rest won't make much sense.  This is Felicia Day in a video that spoofs people who play those online multi-player games.  *think World of Warcraft, Second Life, IMVU, RedLight Center/Utherverse*

I have loved Felicia Day ever since I saw her in Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog with Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion - created by Joss Whedon.  It's 42 minutes of musical tragicomedy awesomeness.  If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it. You may have to see it more than once to catch all the funny.  But I am digressing...and badly....this isn't a Joss Whedon or Felicia Day fangirl post...no really....I mean it.

The reason I posted the video and and titled my blog thus, I have an avatar.  And she's beautiful.  Redheaded with a braid and a perfect figure.  Yes, I play in one of these virtual games.  I'm in RLC/Utherverse.  It seems really ridiculous when you try to explain it to other people who don't play like that.  But you choose a name for yourself and you make friends with other people, can develop relationships, have sex and I find myself continually surprised by the number of people who actually get married in the game.  

Once you pay your initial subscription fee to become a VIP member you can  do various things in the game to earn in game currency so you don't have to put real monies into it to support your video game habit.  Like have in game 'jobs'.  For example, when I first started the game I was a WG (working girl) which is a nice way of saying that I was a cyber ho.  LMAO, it paid really well but got old in a hurry.  But some people are DJs, like they set up muisc streams and do live DJing at events that people have in clubs that they own.  You an design and sell clothing or do deco (neither of which I have the patience or talent for). Now I am a model, I sell clothing and layouts (like homes) for a designer who treats me very well.  Now I don't have to spend real monies to support my gaming habit. See how that all works out.

It is a fun way to get away from stress but it can come with its own stress because not everyone realizes that there are people, real people, behind all those avatars.  You will meet some fantastic people and some that are real azzhats.  In general I've found that you get out of it as good as you give.  If you are generally nice and open minded it's a great experience.

So, before anyone leaves a comment that I have no idea how to delete about how I need to get a life, I just want to say that I have a life.  I do this because I choose to have more than one.  I'm going to put a link in here for anyone who is interested in checking this out for themselves.  Create a profile for yourself if you like.  It's a chance to escape and be whoever you fancy yourself to be in your head.  You can be a legend in your own mind.  LOL

If you do sign up and want to find me, I'm HGPrincessLexi_HKMT, but if you address me as Tory, I'll know how you know me.  Hope to see some of you online.

Loves, hugs and kisses
Tory

Ermagerd! I gotz a tumblr!!

Yeah, I know, promised lurid details about my live in boyfriend and both the magic and mayhem (not the good kind) that ensued.  But I'm taking a break from it.  It's my blog, I reserve the right to digress.  And digress I shall.

So my daughter is 13 and she's awesome and amazing, and way cooler than I could ever hope to be.  But that won't stop me from trying.  She spends a really amazing amount of time on this tumblr thing.  So I made my own tumblr account.  You can find it here - Tory tumbles for ya.... (showing my age with the Culture Club reference....did ya see what I did there? LOL @ sillyself).  I'm going to figure out how to link this to that....for when I make new posts but in the meantime you can follow me there and keep up with the randomness that is my mind.

So yeah, I guess this is a shameless self promotion plug.  Maybe it's my way to trying to ensure that there are actual grownups on tumblr too.  Nah, self promotion....definitely.  I only have 3 followers there and I'm lonely.

Vinny over at As Vinny C's It has one too and I'm already stalking following him there.  Find him on tumblr here - Vinny's tumblr.  Granted he hasn't posted there in like 3 months so I guess he'd better get on it now that I've outed him.  *giggling wildly*

Hope to see you all soon on tumblr..

.Loves and kisses.  Tory

Just Breathe

So you know that feeling?  When you have been underwater and you break the surface and expel a gust of air from the huge breath you've been holding and immediately suck in another huge lungful to relieve the uncomfortable pressure in your chest and fuel your brain cells with oxygen?  Sometimes the sensation leaves me dizzy and slightly disoriented.

At the end of April of this year I had that experience.  Metaphorically.  I had spend nearly a year 'under water' and once I started breathing normally again after I resurfaced I was disoriented and confused as to where the year could have gone.  Looking back on a lot of it has the slightly fuzzy quality and bright edges of a fever dream.  Some of the details have been lost in a haze of vodka shots and bong hits, but most remains painfully sharp in my mind's eye.

In the year that I was here but not, a kind of passive absence is how I think of it, I let everything that was previously important fall by the wayside.  I wasn't interested in working, my children were nearly neglected (not to the point that social services should have been involved - I made sure they were fed and had at least a vague awareness of where they were - but enough that they became scarily self sufficient), and I didn't take care of the necessary things that needed to happen just to keep the household running.  Sounds like depression, right?  Not exactly.  Sort of the opposite.  Infatuation.  

You see, in April of last year, I met someone. He has a name but since we are being all anonymous, we'll give him a nickname.  I've considered, asshole, dickhead, and douchebag.  Fucktard, cocksucker, motherfucker and sonofabitch.  But I am going to go with Twat Waffle or TW for short going forward.

Now, those of you who have been keeping up, yes, I'm married.  Answer to the next logical question: No I wasn't cheating.  You see my Darling Husband is secure enough in himself and our love that he just wanted me to be happy.  And in fairness, he seemed to fit well into our family.  He was handsome, frighteningly charming and played the role so well.  He helped us move, came to stay after my husband had elbow surgery to help around the house, we even gave him his own bedroom for when he came to stay.  And when he stayed he would get up and make pancakes for the kids before they left for school, take care of the yard and all the while was working some sort of magic on me because he made it seem like we were somehow 'connected'.  He got my corny jokes that normally only Darling Husband got, he made obscure references and when he went to explain them was pleasantly surprised that I already understood.

 He was also really young and really good in bed.  I know the young thing doesn't exactly go hand in hand with good in bed, but they go together in my mind because I felt like such a cougar.  And he was as attracted to me as I was to him regardless and maybe because of my age.  I didn't exactly seduce this innocent young man.  There was nothing innocent about him.  And I think that's part of what made it possible to fall under his influence so easily.  He seemed a lot closer to my age.   Once I found out his birth year I forbade him from speaking it out loud because it was my sophomore year in high school.  Go ahead, laugh, I do.

Clearly it hasn't lasted, he went his own way after a year and there are some amazingly good reasons that he is gone and I say good riddance. Honestly, when I think of all the tears he wrung out of me in the space of 12 months.  I have married to Darling Husband for almost 17 years now and I cried so much more in the year he was in our life than I have in that whole 17 years.  It was almost like he fed on my tears but I'm getting ahead of myself.  It wasn't all bad, obviously since we kept him around for a year.  As I review the memories that we created, I'll try to draw as fair and complete a picture as I can but it will be colored naturally by my perspective.  And that's the beauty of perspective, its one of the few things that belongs exclusively to ones ownself.

Be well, y'all.

Swinging

Not like this

Or Like This....

Like this.....

Those of you who have been following for a while know that whenI was a little girl, my parents were swingers.  As a child and even for most of my life I was horrified by the thought.  That was due to how my mother handled her extra-cirriculars with respect to me, her child.  Suffice to say she wasn't exactly conscientious of my and any emotional scarring that may occur based on her lack of discretion.  Point is, I never thought that I would go that route.  Not that I have ever been a prude, far from it, but I always was happy with the sex that I got from Darling Husband and since nothing was lacking for me, it never occurred to me to look for any variety.  

Then I started my adult website as I also mentioned in a previous blog post Identity Crisis or Entrepreneur.  At first it was great. It was me, it was Darling Husband, it was perfect.  But then it occurred to us that since we were putting it out there for public consumption that some variety would be a good idea.  And we started reaching out via the social network that we joined to find more 'like minded and non-churchy' folk.  Before we new it our social website email was exploding with people wanting to meet us and have drinks or dinner or more.  I was a little overwhelmed, but Darling Husband has been around the block a few times he kept everything in perspective and all the decisions were up to me.  Who we met, where we went, what we did.  I was waaaay out of my comfort zone but that helped.  

We met some really great couples over the internet and got invited to a 'Meet and Greet' party locally.  We decided that was the way to truly get our feet wet and meet some people face to face.  So I got all tarted up in a cute outfit and even took a 5th of Goldschlager because shots are social right?  You generally don't do shots alone soooo.... Yeah, shots are social, but I forgot my basic shot math.  Goes like this.  If you do one shot with one person and then turn around and do one with someone else, they have each had one shot and you've had two.  Do we all see where this is going?  I think we do.  I was a girl behaving badly before the night was out.  Not really as badly as all that, considering the type of event we were attending, but badly for me.  I managed to not throw up in the van on the way home which I considered a sort of minor victory but I spent the next day paying dearly for my bad behavior.  It hasn't been repeated since.  Let's not assume that I can't learn a lesson.  Especially a painful one like that. 

Anyway, jumping ahead, we did end up having some couples over and 'playing' (that seems to be the favored term by those in the lifestyle - they don't really call it swinging any more either).  It was fine.  I had a nice time.  I know it's supposed to be all amazing and earth shattering but it really wasn't.  And there were many times when it seemed to me that the other females were getting it better than I was because their men just didn't do it for me.  Can we say that I was spoiled, just a bit?  I'm thinking so.  

Major lesson learned from this experience? Not at that point and to tell you now would be to give everything away.  Think of it like a chapter story.   I'm still getting set up for the good stuff.  Hope you all enjoy. 

Woot! It's International Female Orgasm Day!!

Yes, I know, I promised lurid details about my last two years, but I've been having a bit of a block trying to decide where to start.  Would it be better chronologically or just jump right into it and hop back and forth between bits?  Anyway, while I'm wrangling with that, I found out that today is International Women's Orgasm Day.   No shit.  Check it here International Female Orgasm Day. 

There are some in the world who honestly believe that the f emale orgasm is a myth.  I feel very bad for them because they are likely not getting much nookie.  Probably not more than once or twice from the same female anyway.  I mean, really if you don't believe in something then you aren't going to do your part to help achieve it.  I'm good at a lot of things, including getting myself off, but when a partner is involved, I sort of expect that they will participate.

The other part of the population I give props to.  Those who not only believe in it but work very hard to achieve it.  Did you know there are even moblie apps about how to help a woman get to her orgasm.  Android app 500 orgasm tips but Android isn't alone in this market, there are many apps available through iTunes for the iPad and iPhone about the female orgasm and how to achieve it One of the apps for iPhone and iPad.  I was surprised to find these but I don't know why.  There ARE apps for just about everything.  I guess my point is, if you don't know how to give a girl an orgasm, and yes I know she has to do her part too, then get an app, read a book, something!!  I promise, you will get more nookie and maybe even find a soul mate. 

That's how I ended up with Darling Husband.  He was good at what he did.  He and I had a very tumultuous dating life but I couldn't walk away.  Initially because I wanted to feel the way he made me feel.  Again, and again, and again.  Just saying......*blush* 

And if you don't have a partner to celebrate with, then by all means take care of yourself.  I do.  Regularly.  Vibrators, rabbits, dildos and whatever else rings your bell, do it!  We women are entitled to really good orgasms.  Men have been having them every time they have sex for, well, forever! So today of all days today was set apart for the female orgasm it seems wrong not to have at least one today.  Right? 

She's Alive! She's Alive!

Hi guys! 

In the event that I still have any followers left at all, I am going to resurrect my blog.  We all have lives and they are ongoing so even if I don't have followers it's been an interesting 2 years.  Gods, has it really been that long?  Almost.  Is there some sort of award for the longest dead blog coming back to life?  If not there should be. 

By way of explanation of my absence, It seemed to me that I was running out of interesting things to talk about.  And I'm not going to trot something out here that I know is lame just for the sake of having something out here.  And then, my life got a lot more interesting in April of last year.  More on that to come.  Suffice to say that just because you get older, you aren't magically immune from making ridiculous choices in your life.

Not all of it is pretty, and many of you may be put off by it, but I'm going to put it out here starting very soon - once I figure out where to start exactly.  I'm going to trot my bad decisions and their repercussions out there for your amusement or horror.  Whichever applies. 

I only ask that if you see something that deeply offends you, just don't follow my blog anymore.  I don't need any negative commentary on my life or how I have lived it in the past little while.  Trust me, I'm getting plenty of recrimination from myself.  I don't need any help with self-loathing, I've got that down.

On a happier note, I'm back!!!  And I'm looking forward to catching up on all my favorite blogs and finding some new ones too. 

Kisses to all!
Semi True Torystellar

Fan Mail Friday on Monday. What? I've been busy. *grin*

Okay, so guess what???  In not quiet 3 weeks I have 10 members to my pay site!  Amazing.  I realize at that rate I'm not exactly setting the world on fire, but it's more than I thought I'd have. I'm also getting an astounding number of emails, strangely enough they aren't from the ones who are paying to see my stuff.  Go figure?  

While we're talking about stats, I have received over 50 emails from 24 different individuals some of them more than once. And have managed to acquire with no effort on my part 4 pics of a particular body part standing at attention.  Not sure that I follow the logic that they think I want to see their stuff, but a couple of them have been rather impressive, not that I am in a position or of an inclination to do anything about it.  *grin*  

And without further ado, here are some of my fav's so far.  

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Just came across your pictures on the the website, and all I have to say is "WOW"!

I do have a few questions if you don't mind..

1-Are your feet ticklish?

2-Are you ticklish anywhere else?

3-Do you mind being tickled!

Look forward to seeing more!

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Hello I'm 38 m uk . Love your pics on the website! Your a stunning woman. You got such a pretty face and beautiful curves. Your much hotter than my 36 year old girlfriend.  I told val also that I find you much hotter than her! She has agreed to pay for me to join your site if guys at work agree that you are better looking and hotter than her. There is 20 guys in the office. Woud u like that? Woud u want to see a face pic of hers before contest? To see if u think you will win? X

WHO WOULD SAY THAT TO THEIR GIRLFRIEND?  Really?

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WOW,  Sexy pix of you, would you ever consider doing a photo shoot of yourself exercising in your house in a two piece or topless? That would be such a turn on, your new number 1 fan,

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Hi, I love your pictures on the website. I was wondering if you ever wear a slip under any of your skirts or dresses? Thanks

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Hey there cutie...I just thought I'd email u to tell u that ur pics on southerncharms are absolutely amazing! Your body is so HOTT and there are so many things I'd love to do to you? Will you be doing any pantyhose pictures? I'd love to see you in a pair of suntan pantyhose...yum!  Where are u from if you don't mind me asking? Hope to hear back from u soon. 

One thing to say....what-ever!  

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And my personal favorite so far....I've heard from him several times.....

I loive your beauty7 and fabulous bidy.I have a foot fetish and lve your sexyt feet and elrtoc toes/Can i apint your toes and suck them./Pleaae shiow them bare and uo cklose.

If you can decipher this, you are better than I am.  Had to show it to darling husband for help.  I told him, "I know typing is a skill and all, but is it really THAT much of a skill?"  Without batting an eye he read it to me and explained that he was typing one handed. Which made me ROTFLMAO.  Seriously. 

Identity Crisis or Entrepreneur?

or Entrepreneur?

I'll let you all decide.  *****Disclaimer: this may well be the post where I lose a lot of my followers.  It's a risk and I'm going to take it. If you feel the need to say something negative in response, can it and remove yourself as a follower because I don't want to hear it and haven't figured out how to only post comments that I approve.  I hope to keep you all so you can all enjoy the hilarity that will most likely ensue in the days to come********

Over the weekend I was explaining to Darling Husband that I had so many different email accounts and messenger accounts, both on AIM and yahoo! that I was starting to have trouble remembering who I was being at any given time and on which computer.

It started out innocently enough.  I had one email address.  Not counting the corporate one I had for work.  But then I went to work for myself so I had to get a second email address for work.  Okay, then I got an AIM for work from home stuff.  Then I got another email for this blog to keep everything anonymous.  I thought, you know, surely I won't need more emails than that and not any more messgener id's either.  But then I took another client so created another email just for that client so none of the communications would get confused or lost with my first client.  And along with that came a separate AIM as was required by the client.  But then I stopped doing that client.  And have since gotten a third client and created an email for them for just the same reason as I did the second.  Oh, shut it, it makes sense to me.....*grin*

Then Darling Husband and I created an online account to try and meet like minded (not so very churchy) friends which required another email address and yahoo msgr id.  Then, Darling Husband finally got me to commit to starting an adult webpage of myself.  It went live on the 5th of this month and I already have 5 paying members!  That required an email all to its own, of course, so people can email me what they think.  They've all be quite complimentary which is so very surprising because I'm so not that girl.

I'm a BBW (big, beautiful woman) but really I like to think of myself as fluffy and fabulous.  Anyway, in addition to the special email I also created yet another yahoo msgr under that name so that I can chat with those who are paying members.  Really?  I have paying members to my site?  Who'dathunkit?  Any way, if this keeps up, I'm thinking of starting a new feature called fan mail Fridays where I paste in emails from people who contact me.  You'd be surprised how funny some of them are.  I will remove all names to keep it from being mean.

So when I count it up, that's 6 email accounts and 4 messenger accounts between yahoo and AIM.  Too many?  Hmmmm.....

Let's Play a Game.....

So a couple of days ago I was bemoaning being bored and asked someone to send me a guest post.  Well,  someone did.  They emailed me and sent me the following guest post asking to remain anonymous.  So I thought maybe we could make a game of it.  I"ll post and you guys can see if you recognize the writer and writing style.  You can make guesses and the winner will receive some random knick knack of mine.  Do I have any idea what yet?  Nope, but I'll figure something appropriate out.  Sounds like fun right?  I'll run it through Friday 8/12 and if needed maybe give clues along the way if you guys are getting colder rather than warmer in your guesses.  I'll do so by updating this blog post, not necessarily in comments.  My comment responses will be just that.  My replies.  

Okay, ready, set....Go!  

The night was full of promise. My parents were out of town visiting relatives. The house was all mine. (Insert cheesy porn music) 

First things first, call the girlfriend, have her pick up a box of wine, a Tombstone pizza, thick crust supreme and a family pack, dig? While she was doing that, I would run to the Amish liquor store down the street and pick up a handle of "The Captain" and a keg, call my boys and their lady friends, invite them up for drinks and a dip in the pool, nippy skin style. Be here round' 1900. That will give me some time to "do my thing" with my lady friend, youknowwhatimsayin'? 

Fast forward to 1848. Lady friend and I start getting jiggy. Plenty of time for roll and a cuddle. Naked, sweaty bodies doin' it like they do on the discovery channel. (the doorbell rings) W.T.F? I said 1900, not 1853. Who...In...The...Hell...is interfering with my stiz, yo? I pondered letting whoever it was, sit outside for the remaining seven minutes. They were early and things were getting heated. (the doorbell rings again) Damn, get a clue. GO AWAY ! (the doorknob is jostled) Alright already. I'm coming, literally. Jump out of the sack, throw on the red underwear that were ripped off earlier, adorn the closest Tee and Speedo that I could find and trek upstai........man, my underwear are riding up something fierce. Either I gained ten pounds or they just feel weird because I was in a panic state. 

I open the door to find Aaron standing there, with case in tow. "Let's start drinking." he says. Well, alright then, "come on in", I say. "Tap the keg and get to it...........dude, something does not feel right." (loud, hysterical laughter comes from the basement where I left my first true love) 

Me: "Hey, what's so funny down there? It wasn't that bad, was it?"

Her: "No, Is there something wrong?"

Me: "No, why?"

Her: "Are you positive?"

Me: "Yes, why?"

Her: "Oh no reason. I seem to have lost my panties. I'll just wear yours instead."

Me: "Oka...........What?"

Her: "......"

Me: "What was that?"

Her: "......"

Me: "I'll be back in a minute, dude. My girl is wigging out."

As I walk back downstairs, I could not shake the uncomfortable goings on, downstairs. 

Me: "What is wrong?"

Her: "Oh nothing. Could you drop your pants?"

Me: "Ah yeah, you like it freaky, huh?"

Her: "Humor me."

As I finished untying my shorts, I noticed the reason why I felt some chaffing a few minutes prior. 

In my haste to get the door, I grabbed my clothes without paying much attention. And, as it turned out, I grabbed my girlfriends under garment, instead of my own. They were red, like mine. But mine were 30's in men's, hers were 3's, in women's. Hers were of the thong variety. I put hers on, backwards.

You can just imagine, who the "ass" of the joke was for the duration of that night. 

Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  We have a winn-ah!!  It was indeed ib at Habitual Hobbit who took pity on me in my time of extreme boredom and send me this gem of a guest post!!!  Thank you so much!!!  If you haven't stopped by to see his blog do so.  NOW!  

As for Vinny...I think I owe you a piece of my junk treasure.  Send me your address and I'll get something off in the mail to you.  Thanks for playing.  And thanks again to Habitual Hobbit.  It was way fun.  

Bored....

That's right, I'm bored.  As many times as I have scolded my children this summer not for saying they were bored but for acting like it.....I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am not simply bored in the sense that I've got nothing going on, I'm still working and all the usual stuff is still going on but I am in full on ennui (I do love that word!).  

It's like nothing excites me right now.  Which flat out sucks.  And I know that my blog is supposed to be entertaining you, but dammit I need someone to entertain me!  Maybe its just the summer thing and I've grown weary of having the children underfoot and on each other's nerves all the time.  

Things that I do when I'm bored: roll around naked in the grass in the back yard, read other blogs and wish that I had some witty retort or comment to add, stare at Darling Husband because I want him to do something to entertain me, troll youtube for amusing videos to break the monotony.  

I think drugs might help make things more amusing..... here is a video of how different drugs affect spiders and their web making for your enjoyment.   

Yes, I know this isn't anything new but I'm lacking inspiration.  So enjoy and please someone come to entertain me!!!!  Or send drugs.  Or send me a guest post.  Or nearly anything!   

Pioneer Days

Pioneer Days

I was going to tell you the rest of my internet story but I'm feeling distracted right now so I may or may not get around to it.

Yesterday was Pioneer Day here in my little town.  For those who don't know, Pioneer Day is a LDS thing where they celebrate Brigham Young arriving in the Salt Lake valley and proclaiming 'This is the Place'.  Its sort of like a founders day celebration but different.

There was a parade which we got to see.  They threw candy which of course my children (including Darling Husband) could not leave on the ground uncollected.  Mostly it was salt water taffy (from the Great Salt Lake maybe?), Bit o'Honey's (didn't know they still made those but much to my delight they do) lollypops and tootsie rolls. There were vintage cars and wagons like the one above.  There were horses and even motorcycles (that goes together right - motorcycles are iron horses - well go with it).  Of course no parade would be complete without floats.  I loved the floats there were some floats that had pretty girls in prom-like dresses.  I asked Darling Husband if they were like last year's homecoming court and he said, 'no honey, Pioneer Court'.  Really?  One of those lovely girls was going to be Pioneer Queen?  Holy wow.  And just when I thought I could bear no more a float came by with several LDS missionaries and one was shouting to the crowd from the Book of Mormon. Something about a pillar of fire bright as the sun.  *shrug*

After we got back into the van and tried to get home, which proved more of a challenge than we thought because of all the roped off side streets, I told my husband that I didn't understand why all those young mormon missionary fellas looked like copy repair men.  He laughed at me then. But for those who don't know, let me explain. They were all wearing white shirts and black neck ties.  Black pants and black shoes.  In my previous life I worked in an office and I swear I thought that was the copy guy's uniform.  Or maybe all my copy repair people were mormons and I just didn't know.  Hmmm....will have to ponder on that a bit more.

In honor of Lost's astute observation and because I can't post pics in comments here is an edit so you can see what I'm talking about.  

Geek Squad 

Mormon Missionaries

Do ya see the resemblance? Heeheehee

Divine Secrets

"Keep your face to the sunshine
and you cannot see the shadow.
It's what sunflowers do."
by Helen Keller

Yeah, okay, this post isn't about Sunflowers.  Well not exactly anyway.  

I find myself astounded when I think about how far electronic communication has come.  Not so very long ago, well, maybe more like nearly 10 years ago, I found myself a member of an online community.  A bulletin board.  The sunflower is a clue, I wonder if anyone can guess the board that I was on?  This was before Facebook and MySpace was just taking off to give you a point of reference in time.  I haven't been involved in one since. In fact, I don't know of any that are in existence.  Of course I haven't looked because I definitely don't need something else to obsess about. But like I always do I'm getting ahead of myself.    

And as I do everything, I was fully immersed in this board and the other people on it.  This wasn't a pass time where I checked in every week or even every other day I was on obsessively.  Several times a day.  And there were different boards within the main board. One page was for light and fluffy topics, on page was for political topics, one was for good thoughts and prayer requests, and one was for recipes.  You get the idea.  

What was truly amazing in hindsight was the cliques that formed within the online community.  There were those who aligned themselves with like minded people politically, and those who aligned themselves with others who shared similiar hobbies and likes.  Naturally it didn't take long for the board to develop its bullies as well and there were some serious snark fests  about everything from homeschooling, breastfeeding, to asparagus and peas.  Go figure.  

I was pretty much insulated from that because I fell in with a group who liked to drink more than the others, party more than the others, and have sex more than the others.  So we created our own little corner of the board.  Our very own ongoing thread that detailed our various exploits.  In time we started setting up 3 way calls and planning trips to meet each other.  

You know how all the 'experts' advise not to go meet people in person that you think you 'know' online?  There's a reason for that.  We were quite the motley crew.  The Voodoo Krewe is what we called ourselves.  We were all lushes for that weekend.  We drank to much, we ate to much.  We talked to loudly and laughed more than should be allowed.  It wasn't until we all returned to our 'real lives' that the bottom fell out.  But that's enough for now.  Maybe tomorrow you'll get....The rest of the story.  

The Honest Truth

*Disclaimer: No one in this story named Jeff but the picture is effective.

I realize that I flatter myself that any of you might have been wondering where I've been, but nonetheless I feel like an explanation is necessary.  You have become my cyber friends and family and I've removed myself from your presence for two months or more.  I've missed you all and it just feels wrong to show back up and start blogging like I haven't missed a beat.  I will be visiting everyone's blog and trying to get caught up on what I've missed.  

So I'd love to be able to say that I had the world's worst case of writer's block.  But it wasn't anything as grand or lofty as that.  I could say that I was busy, bored, or uninspired and that would be closer to the truth.  Even telling you that I've been on a vodka soaked bender for 2 months would be an interesting story.  But no.....

We met another family here in town.  And it was all consuming for nearly 2 months.  Until it wasn't.  Let me rewind a bit.....

I was invited to a Pampered Chef Party here in town.  I love Pampered Chef stuff and wanted the opportunity to get to know some people so I went.  I met some lovely ladies.  Ladies who were mostly like me.  They were opinionated, and nosey, and full of laughter.  One of them in particular I gelled with right away.  She invited us to church for the Friday night open gym for the kids.  Friday night arrived and we packed up the kids and went as a family unit to the local church.  Everyone was super nice, but wonder of wonders Darling Husband gelled instantly with her husband, their son who is the same age as our little diplomat middle child got along famously and even our daughter immediately adhered to their daughter.  It was a match made in heaven. 

For nearly two months we all talked and texted nearly every day.  We spent almost the whole of every weekend together, there was much livlihood and laughter.  More than I've had in a long time.  Maybe since before we moved.  Our apparent love for one another burned with the 'white hot intensity of a thousand suns" (no idea where that is from but it fits).  We were completely consumed with their friendship to the exclusion of nearly everything else other than work.  Including blogging.  

But then suddenly it cooled off.  We felt the change but couldn't put our finger on it. We didn't know what we'd done wrong, but clearly things were 'different'.  I will give them credit, when this has happened before with other friends they just went away and we were left to only speculate what or if we'd done something wrong.  They actually accepted our invitation to come over but mostly because 'we need to talk'.  Uh-oh.....

So we send the kids out to play and they sit on one couch and we sit on another.  And they lay out for us what their issues are.  Come to find out we are too 'worldly'.  We have our kids in public school because I just never wanted to be that person who home schooled my kids.  We have a large HD TV and we watch it....a lot - that is why we have it after all.  ***And as a side note, they didn't seem to have any problem watching it with us for two months.  We say curse words and we drink.  There are the two big ones.  Apparently those are deal breakers for them.  They told us "We love you guys so much....(wait for it) BUT.....(ah, there it is) we can't be around what you guys do or have our kids around it."  

I asked them flat out, "are you breaking up with us?" which I know is ridiculous for grown people to say but that's what it felt like.  So now it's now.  I don't bear them any ill will but clearly it wasn't quite the match made in heaven that it seemed at first. 

I have spent the last week or so examining our lives and our habits.  Okay, we drink.  Daily.  Do we get out of hand, sloppy, mean, or any of those things?  We do not.  We cuss....sometimes like sailors....but does that make us bad people?  It does not.  We don't home school and we have a lot of technology.  Does that make us abnormal?  I don't think it does.  What it seems to come down to is that the way we conduct ourselves and our lives is too much of a temptation for them in their walk with God.  And I don't want to be a stumbling block in anyone's walk.  I do try to be sensitive to those with addictive tendencies so I'm going to refrain making any statement about their character.  On the upside, I've realized through close examination that it isn't a weakness in or lack of character on our part.  

And that my friends..is the rest of the story. 

X is for X-rated

Everyone keep your shirts on (or not).  I know that after Vajazzling you just don't know what to expect from me any more.  As much as I'd like to make it so, this post is not about porn. Apologies to any porn aficionados out there.  

X-rated, huh?  What makes a movie X-rated?  Well graphic sex, obviously.  These are things that children should not see.  That makes sense.  So why is sex the only content that is banned and controlled in this manner?  I can think of plenty of R rated movies that in my opinion should be x-rated just for the violence content as well as the blood and gore factor.  Many of the slasher movie remakes they are doing, and not to name drop but most if not all of Quentin Tarantinos films really shouldn't be viewed by children any more than graphic sex. 

Don't get me wrong, I am a strong supporter of the first amendment and would no more support movie restrictions than I would book banning.  I as a parent have control over what I let my kids watch.  But don't you sometimes wonder - if the whole of society is going to hell in a handbag, might it have something to do with the violent images widely available for young consumption?  

At least with x-rated movies there is usually a happy ending.  I know when I get to the end of sex with Darling Husband I'm happy.  Aren't most people after they achieve orgasm either with a partner or alone (hence the purpose of x-rated movies) happy?  

Tell me the last time you felt 'happy' after watching a violent or bloody film.  You can walk away thinking it was a good movie, but were you happy?  Really?

W is for Withdrawal

So clearly I'm out of month and not out of letters.  I thought about withdrawing from the challenge because clearly I blew it.  However, withdrawl indicates quitting, and I don't quit....most things.  Also withdrawal carries negative connotations (and memories) alcohol and drug wtihdrawal (super unpleasant from what I hear).

So I am going to soldier on for the next few days until I reach 'Z'.  I should have been able to get it done in a month, but I think I've mentioned a certain lack of discipline on my part.  So like a track star who gets injured in the big race, I'm going to limp across the finish line with tears in my eyes, but dammit I'm going to finish something that I start.

Guess this is a sort of half assed excuse for a post but I wanted make it known that just because I'm out of month, doesn't mean I'm out of alphabet and I won't stop until I run out of letters.  Hell, then I may make some up.  Start with the Greek alphabet or something.  you just never know with me.

Thanks for sticking with me.

V is for Vajazzling!!! (not Vodka)

That's right, you read my title correctly, V is not for Vodka...not today.  It probably would have been if one of my besties Steph hadn't said she already know what my V day would be.  So I didn't do it.  However I have to confess that all morning long I was going about my day thinking about what I would post about instead and in all honesty I couldn't get past 'not vodka'.  So I pop onto IM with Steph and explain the mental block she created for me and gave me many good suggestions.  At the top of my favorites was Vagina.  Which reminded me of Vajazzling.  See how that works? 

Now I know that vajazzling is hardly breaking news.  Jennifer Love Hewitt made it public knowledge in her interview with George Lopez as he stared slack jawed as she explained it.  It's an old interview from January of last year but I'm going to put it here (I hope it works) in case you missed it.  Very entertaining stuff.  

When I first saw it I had my million dollar idea.  Wax for melting and fabric strips, craft jewels and hot glue...do it yourself, redneck vajazzling kits. But don't you know I didn't hop on that wave fast enough.  Before you knew it you could get it done in spas, and even get adhesive designs on transparent plastic and do it yourself in the comfort of your own home.  Missed the boat.  Damnitall.  

Now its everywhere apparently.  When trying to find an appropriate picture for this post there were pages and pages of Google images.  Some were quite pretty and there were some things that I really never, ever needed to see.  And guys, I have to ask....if you were getting your groove on with a girl and got down there to find this...what would you think? Seriously, I'm curious.  Not sure that's the word I'd choose but to each their own.  

However, in my research this afternoon I've found proof positive that the fad has gone too far. 

Yes, I know it's probably photo shopped, at least I hope to God it's photo shopped, however if you do a google image search for pejazzle (what?  I was curious if the guys did it too) there are pics on there very inappropriate to our little blog community.  

U is for Unrequited

Dictionary.com defines 'unrequited' as an adjective meaning not returned or reciprocated (as in love).  I am about to share with you my first and so far only negative thing that I have to say about my new locale.  I love Idaho, I love my new little town and I love most of the people in it.  Starting to get the feeling they don't feel the same way 'bout me.  Can you even imagine it?  

I mean everyone is nice enough, at least on the surface, but as spring starts to set in and I break out my colorful spring wardrobe that consists of bright colors and loud floral prints, it becomes more and more obvious that I am different.  Like a wild growing flower among the sagebrush.  I love Darling Husband so much when he says things like this to me.  

He explains to me that it will take people a while to adjust because here the men tend to be particularly controlling and the women walk around with their eyes downcast.  I'm the opposite of that and some people find it threatening.  Apparently all the men want to do me and all the women want to be me.  Seriously, you've no idea how hard I'm laughing at that idea.  

The reason that I find that idea so amusing is that every woman I know (or knew previous to the move) is just like me.  Large personality, eyes up, tits out, and we speak our minds to whomever happens to be in earshot, we make decisions about our daily lives and our children and we if you don't like it fuck off already.  In Carolina, I was just another woman, timid by comparison to some of my friends.  

Apparently by Idaho standards then, we would all be lacking in the proper social graces, clueless about our appropriate 'place' in our marriages and entirely too headstrong.  I'm so fortunate that Darling Husband wouldn't have me any other way, wild and untamed (who knew? certainly not me).  He loves that I have opinions and know my own mind.  He loves that I wear makeup and apparently here have the ability to make a statement without saying a word.  I just hope that my neighbors will become my friends soon and return some of the hospitality and friendship we are trying to put out there.  

Anyway, I'll adjust.  Signed your wild growing, emotionally unhousebroken, opinionated, flower.  Maybe you should call me Audrey.  LOLOLOL

T is for Trust

Okay, time again to get off my dead ass and get this blog challenge knocked out.  Today's topic is trust.  How hard it is to get it and how easy it is to lose it.  Also, my dismay at my continuing naivete with people.  Clearly I don't have good discernment when it comes to people in my life that I share confidential information with.  This isn't a new problem and I would expect to have at least learned from it by the ripe old age of 40 years. 

Darling Husband says that it is because I expect everyone to be the same as me.  I judge everyone's potential actions based on what I would do.  I have to take a moment to break my arm patting myself on the back because I am an excellent secret keeper.  I have several friends who trust me because they know that they can tell me anything and I won't judge or tell.  I know where ALL the bodies are friends and neighbors and the information is going to my grave with me.  

Today was another hard lesson in who you can trust and who you cannot.  There is someone who worked on the same account as me but was let go.  I was talking to her on the phone just bitching about stuff and she was totally sympathetic and knew, totes KNEW that it needed to stay between us.  This morning I wake up to a complete shit storm because she has emailed all of my virtual co-workers (excluding me of course) her condolences for our plight, naming me as the source where she got her information.  (As an aside, she didn't get all of her information from me).  If that weren't bad enough, one  of my virtual co-workers forwarded said email to our lead, who decided rather urgently to rip me a new asshole. 

This is all so middle school I don't think I can stand it.  However junior high it may be I did block her from my AIM and un-friended her on facebook.  Yeah, I know, petty, but I was hurt and angry.  Still toying with the idea of forwarding her original email back to her saying something like "Seriously?  What. The. Fuck?"  Long story short, I shouldn't have said anything at all to her then she wouldn't have been able to spin my words because there wouldn't have been any words for her to spin, unless she made them up, which she might have done.  Who the fuck knows? 

On the upside I do trust Darling Husband to color my hair which he did for me last night.  He's been doing it for me for so many years that I can't even count them now.  I don't remember.  It is copper penny red and beautiful.  Thank you Darling Husband.  I love you. 

S is for Spring Scene and Sake

So excited actually using one of my own pics!!  Only other time I've ever done that is for the rack pics.

It really is too bad that I'm WAaaaay past E in the alphabet because this weekend has been really nearly perfect. Earth Day celebrations and community Easter egg hunts at the local marina.   

The weather has been nearly perfect these past two days, I spent time with my family and no one got yelled  at (mostly) and no one got whiney (even me!!).  Well sort of not me.  On the up side it was warm enough that I didn't need a jacket but cool enough that I didn't sweat so my makeup didn't melt.  Yay!!!    On the downside, by the time we were done at the Earth Day celebration in the park yesterday I was tired and there was still shopping to do.  We didn't get all the shopping done and when we got home 

Darling Husband and I then spent until there was no more light left yesterday fencing off parts of the yard to keep the dog safe and so she could have somewhere outside to go without being on a leash.  Once we were finally done with all that, we were done.  We had purchased 3 bottles of sake from the liquor store on Friday while running our errands and got store bought sushi ( yeah, I know, but you do what you can) at the Fred Myer.   So we heated our sake and ate our sushi.  Good news, it was quite yummy, all of it.  Bad news, we drank all three bottles.  Wowee, wow, wow.  If you've never had a sake hangover, you really don't want one.  I've managed to get past it now (still thinking a bloody mary would make me right) and we took the kids out to the community Easter Egg hunt at the marina.  

Oh....my....God.  Seriously, I've never seen anything cuter in all my life.  I know any sort of major Easter egg hunt, particularly the ones where you don't have to hide and dye your own eggs, are pretty flipping neat.  But this was especially so.  The well manicured lawn, the fact that they dyed the eggs for the older kids 10+ grey and hid them among the grey and beige foliage on the hill.  And I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking at that huge reservoir.    Now, I'm thinking it might be time for a little nappy.  All in all, it's been a busy weekend.  But a really, really good one.    

PQR - What? It's one letter, right?

I know that I am probably not allowed or supposed to do this but I have to probably at least triple up on my blog posts to get caught up.  I'm a rule breaker, what can I say?  

P is for pukey and puny which I have been for the past few days.  Don't know what happened to me, maybe it was K for Karma because the dog was apparently sick and had diarrhea all over the house the other night, so I woke up to 'presents' all over the house.  Needless to say I was mad at the dog and put her outside on a short lead for..a while.  Within a couple of hours I started feeling intestinal distress and my anger at the dog quickly turned to sympathy for her.  

Q is for quirky.  I think that we've already established that I have quirks.  And thank goodness for them.  At least being quirky makes me interesting.  Some of the time anyway.  If you know me in real life you might find my quirks less interesting and more annoying.  Darling Husband either finds them charming or has developed the ability to successfully ignore them. 

R is for roadblocks that are thrown up in our way sometimes.  They are often frustrating, and most of them time there is more than one in a row.  Like when the Universe really wants you to slow down and take a powder.  Stop and think about things.  My problem with roadblocks is that I have the hardest damn time trying to decide if I should heed them or plow the fuckers over and keep pushing forward.  I tend to think that when you are on the right path it's as effortless as breathing.  That there should be no roadblocks.  But what if....I mean, just what if....they are only there to test your resolve?