M is for Missionaries

Apparently being the town lushes has its perks.  We've been visited by the Jehovah's Witnesses, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints and the Assemblies of God so far.  In each case I accepted their literature politely although I don't believe that I'll be attending any of their 'churches'  

Let's look at them in order of fucked-upness in my opinion.  By the way, this is firmly tongue in cheek, I have no desire to debate religion with anyone, and am fully aware that even the some of the most basic Christian tenets are likely full of crap.  Personally, I think some of my friends who practice paganism and wicca may have it more close to right than most of us. 

So the Jehova's witness...where to even begin.  I've been raised to believe that heaven is a really big place.  Big enough in fact to accomodate all who believe and are saved by the grace of God and all that. The JH believe that there is room in heaven for 144,000. And, and, and....135,000 have already been chosen.  The rest who will be chosen whenever they are chosen must live this perfect life in comparison to everyone else or something like that.  So 9,000 slots left in heaven for all the rest of humanity.  I'm not sure I'm liking the odds of that lottery.  

The Mormon's (LDS-ers) believe in a heaven that is big enough for everyone but they draw some sort of odd distinction between Immortality and Eternal Life.  I went to the Mormon.org FAQ page, and it says that our purpose of life on this earth is to teach us (so far so good) and prepare us, that was along with our families might, live with the Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ eternally.  Might?  So we could have a fighting chance?  You think?  and then when you read farther down 'your spirit doesn't die, got to the spirit world where you may be with loved ones who have passed on.  Wait, just a second ago we are told that our purpose is to prepare us that along with our families we might live with our love ones.  But now you're saying that could not be the case?   Ehhhh, I don't know.  

The Assemblies of God are Christians who are very fundamental in their beliefs.  My problem with them is not what happens when you die, it's their attitude about women. The ones that I have experienced expect women to not have piercings, wear jewelry or makeup or pants.  There are Biblical references for all of these things, but clearly modesty has never been my thing (reference the H post and rack award).  

We'll find a nice church where we fit in.  At some point.  Really all religion is a way to control the masses.  And I moved to Idaho to not be controlled.  Hmmmm....